At the Emmys....
Oct. 5th, 2008 08:23 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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thedailyshow_rpsTitle: Recurring Dreams {part 28: the Emmys}
Author: shoebox_addict
Pairing: Jon/Stephen
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Swearing, nothing else
Author's Notes: Part twenty eight! This one took me a while because of the wealth of material that happened at and around the Emmys. As it is, this is only the ceremony, not the interviews or after parties yet. So, enjoy! Thanks - as always - for the comments and support.
Disclaimer: Any similarity between the fictional version of the person portrayed here and the actual persons is purely coincidental. This is a work of fiction. This is not an attempt to defame the character of said person on the basis of libel, as the work is FICTIONAL (and NOT an intently false statement created with the express purpose of misleading others about the actual character of said person).
Any mention of 'The Daily Show', 'The Colbert Report', 'Viacom', any associated entities, or any copyrighted material pertaining therein is reasonably protected by the Fair Use Rule of the United States Copyright Act of 1976 and is not intended to infringe upon any copyrighted material.
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Eleven./Twelve./Thirteen./Fourteen./Fifteen./Sixteen./Seventeen./Eighteen./Nineteen./Twenty./
Twenty-one./Twenty-two./Twenty-three./Twenty-four./Twenty-five./Twenty-six./Twenty-seven./
"Recurring Dreams" {part 28: the Emmys}
Friday and Saturday flew past me in a flurry of planning and packing and checking and re-checking. By Sunday morning we were in LA. Luckily, Comedy Central grouped its talent in similar hotels so Stephen and I had only two floors separating us. I was relieved to have him nearby since Tracey hadn't accompanied me. Oh, it had been tough saying goodbye to her and the kids. I'd only been back in town for two weeks and now I had to leave again. Poor Nathan was so confused. I tried to be cheerful and promise him more Power Rangers when I got back, but it killed me to leave them again.
I called Steve as soon as I got into town. He wanted to get together with Stephen and I, to see our relationship in action, he said. It still unnerved me a bit that Steve knew about all this. Sure, we'd known him forever but it still felt weird somehow. I was pleasantly surprised, however, at how cool he was being about it all. Not that he had ever been a huge homophobe or anything. As much as we wanted to get together, we knew the day was going to be a busy one. We just didn't have time to drive out and meet him somewhere.
That was unfortunate, I really did want to see him and do some catching up. Plus, along with Stephen, Steve was one of my biggest watchdogs for calling me out on smoking. Ever since Thursday night, I'd been craving cigarettes again. I tried desperately to ignore it but through all the frantic, stressful packing it seemed to shine through. Needless to say, I chewed lots of Nicorette. By Sunday morning, as I was sitting all alone in my hotel room, I could really use a friend.
Luckily, all I had to do was take the elevator to see Stephen. Actually, I called him and told him to come up to my room since he had Evie and Maddie with him.
"Hey," he said, hugging me as I let him in.
"How are you?" I asked him, locking the door.
"Fine," he said, grinning and bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Excited!"
"I can tell," I said, chuckling. "You're like a big ball of energy."
"I am," he said, unable to stop grinning. "I'm really really excited with a huge dash of anxiety and a cappucino on top."
"Oh," I groaned. "Who gave you coffee?"
"A very unwise barrista," he said. "Why aren't you more excited?"
I shrugged. "Stephen, it's only the Emmys."
"Yeah, but I feel so gooood about this one," he said. "This is gonna be my year."
"Stephen, have you been into your mini bar?"
"Oh hell no," said Stephen. "Evie forbid me. Understandable, everything in there is just exorbitantly expensive."
I couldn't help but laugh at how bouncy Stephen was. "Are you gonna be this crazy excited all day long?"
"You betcha!" said Stephen
"Is Maddie excited?"
"Oh yes, she is," he said. "Evie went out and got her a very nice dress for the red carpet and all. Evie looks gorgeous in her dress. She modeled for me Friday night."
I nodded, feeling somewhat left out of Stephen's excitement and energy. I had never gotten extremely excited about awards shows in general, even if I was involved. No, especially if I was involved. The whole night was just a big bundle of nerves for me. And now I didn't even have anyone here with me to enjoy the evening. Except Stephen of course, but he had his family with him. His family was only two floors below us. Talk about guilt.
"That's great, Stephen," I said. "I'm glad you're so excited."
"Oh, come on," said Stephen, making a sad face and taking me by the shoulders. "You need to perk up! You're nominated in three categories, man, be excited! Be optimistic!"
I smirked at him. "Yeah, yeah. What do you think about the Rickles issue?"
Stephen suddenly turned stern. He pointed a finger in my face. "Do not mention that man's name. I don't want to hear it until they list his name in the list of nominees."
"I think he's presenting an award too. So you'll probably hear his name before that."
"Shut up," said Stephen, giggling. He sighed, suddenly melancholy. "You're gonna sweep the awards, I know it."
"Oh, Stephen, please," I protested. "I hardly think we'll sweep. You guys will get at least one of 'em, if not all three. You're newer and more fun than we are. I don't care what you say, The Daily Show is still a downer...just with a satirical smile attached."
"Jon, don't talk like that," said Stephen, stroking my cheek gently. "I know I can never say it enough to make you believe it, but your show is basically a public service against idiots like the one I play on TV."
I smiled shyly and looked down at my feet. "Ah, cut it out."
"I mean it," said Stephen. He took my chin gently in his hand and lifted my head so our eyes met. I smiled, he leaned in and kissed me softly. I could taste coffee on his lips.
"Damn, Stephen, how much coffee have you had?"
Stephen rolled his eyes at me. "Okay, so maybe it was two or three cappucinos."
I laughed and hugged him around the middle. "You're gonna crash right before the show starts."
Stephen shrugged and gave me a lopsided smile. "It'll make for an interesting acceptance speech."
"Hey," I said. "If you do win...which you probably will...don't thank me or anything, okay?"
"What?" said Stephen incredulously. "You expect me to get up there and thank everyone except you? I don't think so, Mister Stewart."
"Stephen, please. I don't want any more attention than I'm going to be getting anyway tonight. Promise me?"
Stephen frowned. "We'll see."
I sighed exasperatedly and hugged him close, savoring the small moment we had before he had to return to his family and we both had to start getting gussied up. It promised to be quite a night.
******
Upstairs. Evie was very conscious of the fact that her husband was upstairs. She flipped through the pages of the tourist guide she had laid out in front of her. She didn't comprehend a word. Every now and then, she paused in her page flipping and listened intently. What was she even listening for? Perhaps a creaking of bed springs or heavy footfalls on the ceiling?
She took deep breaths, trying to ignore the strange anxiety that had burst in her stomach. For weeks now, irrational thoughts had been entering her head every time Stephen went out for a drink "with the guys" or even just to the office. Something felt off. She didn't know where the thoughts were coming from, she didn't know if they were founded on any truth.
Last week, Stephen had been acting very strangely and coming home quite late. The incident on Thursday morning was just the icing on this dreadful cake. And he'd certainly skirted the issue quickly when she'd suggested counseling. Had that been too rash? She didn't know. Sometimes it felt like she didn't know anything anymore.
All she knew was that she had a sneaking suspicion about Jon Stewart.
*****
I stood in front of the mirror and looked myself over. I looked pretty great if I did say so myself. Evie came behind me, we looked like quite the handsome couple together. She reached her hands around to straighten my bowtie.
"You look very nice, Stephen," she said, smiling fondly at me. I turned around, took her hands and twirled her around the room. She giggled like a schoolgirl and fell against me. I hugged her close. Just then, Maddie came out of the bathroom.
"Oh my goodness," I breathed. "Who is this lovely young woman?"
"I don't know," said Evie, tearing up slightly at the sight of our daughter, resplendent in her red dress.
"It can't be...our daughter!" I said, gasping and staring at her with wide eyes.
"Dad, cut it out," said Maddie, rolling her eyes at me.
"That's my girl," I said, pulling her close. Now I had Evie under one arm and Maddie under the other. I smiled to myself. "The two most important women in my life."
"Da-ad," moaned Maddie, squirming away from me.
"Sorry, sorry," I said, backing away from her. "I suppose that means you don't want me to mess up your hair on the red carpet."
Maddie gave me one of her new teenage glares and I nodded. "Got it."
Evie looked at me and shrugged. Late in the evening, the limousine came to pick us up from the hotel lobby. I thought maybe we'd be riding with Jon but I didn't see him anywhere. As we drove to the theatre, the new location of the Emmys, I reflected on what the night meant. I couldn't help but realize this was a reality check. I didn't like to think I was overly egotistical, that was my character's job, but going to these awards shows always reminded me that not everyone loved us the way our fans did. Here, Jon and I - and even Steve - were pretty small potatoes compared to some of the really big celebrities.
We didn't have to drive for long and soon we found ourselves approaching the hoards of people and paparazzi that was the red carpet. I straightened my bowtie self-consciously and began to steel myself for the reporters. Evie squeezed my hand comfortingly and even Maddie gave me a bracing smile.
Our limo rolled up to the head of the carpet and the person closest to the door pushed it open. The camera flashes and cheering died down slightly when they saw who it was. Especially since the first guy to get out of the limo was one of my writers, Pete. The cheering returned a bit when I stepped out of the stretch and I plastered that smile on my face for all the cameras I could hear clicking.
"Hey, Stephen!"
I turned to see who was calling my name. I hoped maybe it would be Jon, but it wasn't. It was Steve. I gave him a huge smile and hugged him.
"Good to see you," I said, clapping him on the back.
"How are you doing?" he asked, raising his eyebrows slightly and I knew what he meant.
"Just fine, just fine," I said.
"Who is this?" said Steve, his eyes widening at the sight of Maddie. Maddie just rolled her eyes at another annoying adult performance.
"Hi, Uncle Steve," she said, giving him a little wave.
"Hey, Evie," said Steve, leaning in to kiss her cheek.
"Hi," said Evie. "Oh hi, Nancy!"
"Hey everyone," said Nancy as she came into view through all the people surrounding us.
As Evie and Nancy consulted each other on their dresses, I leaned into Steve's ear. "Have you seen Jon?"
Steve just shook his head. "Sorry."
"S'ok," I said. "I saw him earlier today."
"Ohh?" said Steve, wiggling his eyebrows. I slapped him on the arm.
"Oh, shut up."
"If you're gonna tell me about these things, you have to expect some poking fun too," said Steve, grinning. "Hey, we gotta keep moving on. See you inside!"
"Sure, see you!" I called as Steve and Nancy got swept away with the crowd.
I'd always felt like the red carpet was far too drawn out. By the end, my shoes were starting to pinch my feet and I was tired of smiling so much. Evie, Maddie, and I had posed for countless pictures and we'd even given a quick interview. Through all of this I hadn't caught a glimpse of Jon. Maybe he'd skipped the red carpet. I knew he hated this part most of all. In past years I'd tried to make him more comfortable, just joking around, and I'd hoped to see him again. But I guess he had other plans.
Finally we entered the theatre. A man asked our names and led us to our seats. It wasn't until I had sat down and looked around a bit that I noticed Jon was seated right across the aisle from me.
"Hey!" I called. "Jon!"
Jon spun around, startled, looking for who had called his name. He caught sight of my smiling face and grinned.
"Hey!" he called back. It didn't look as though the actual awards show would start for another few minutes so Jon stood up and came over to stand by us. He clapped me on the shoulder and reached over me to kiss Evie's cheek. "How are you doing, Evie?"
"Fine, just fine," said Evie. It seemed to me like her smile was a bit artificial. I dismissed it and chuckled as Jon reacted to Maddie's transformation. Even she had to giggle a bit at getting the same performance the third time that night.
We chatted together for a while. Jon leaned his hand on the back of my chair and I felt sweat break out on my forehead. Having him so close to me with Evie sitting right next to me was making me unduly nervous. They soon made an announcement that the ceremony was about to start. Jon said his farewells to us and as he left, his hand grazed my shoulder, the slightest touch that made me shiver.
"You're winnin' 'em!" he said, pointing at me as he walked back across the aisle.
"No, my friend, it's gonna be you!" I replied. He grinned and took his seat.
Evie smiled at me and squeezed my thigh gently. I tried to give her the most genuine smile I could but I was suddenly feeling a bit off. I had been in the vicinity of Jon and Tracey together but it had been a while since I'd had Jon and Evie both so close at hand. It felt very strange and I wondered if this was what Jon felt like when I'd come to get him at his apartment all those times.
The show kicked off well, with Oprah giving a speech. She didn't do too horribly save for one ad-lib that didn't fly. Then the five hosts came on, the reality TV hosts who were nominated in the new category. Their opening was excruciatingly awkward. Jon looked back at me and rolled his eyes. I returned the gesture and snorted. After a few awards had been presented, Ricky Gervais came out. He introduced some clips of how you should accept your award, short and sweet speeches.
And at the end of the clips, there it was. What had been dubbed our "manwich" from last year's Emmys. We had presented Ricky's Emmy to Steve and he'd come up and we'd all jumped around and stuff. It was a big hit with the fangirls, let me tell you. Anyway, they left it up there on the huge screen for quite some time and I found myself blushing at the image of me so close to Jon.
"What's wrong?" whispered Evie.
"Nothing, nothing," I said, willing my face to stop being so red. "It's just embarassing."
To make matters worse, Jon kept looking over at me and smirking. Ricky did a really long and really funny bit with Steve, asking him to give him his Emmy. Steve was great, nobody could keep a straight face like he could.
One award passed both me and Jon by. He shot me a look and I shrugged. Then they came to the award for the writing category. I sat up straight in my seat, waiting patiently. They rolled the clips of all the nominees. I had to blush again when I showed up on screen wearing nothing but a festive Christmas hat and my boxer shorts. Evie chuckled and kissed my cheek. Jon had his writers introduced through convention footage which just seemed very appropriate. I gave him the thumbs up when I caught his eye.
At last, all the nominees had been named.
"And the Emmy goes to....The Colbert Report!"
I didn't even think twice. I leapt up from my seat and gave Jon a firm, one-armed hug. He whispered, "Good job" in my ear and positively beamed. I wanted to kiss him like I had two years ago - hell, I wanted him to kiss me - but we'd promised each other to lay low this year. God bless him, he stood in the aisle and shook hands with every one of my writers as they filed up to the stage. I turned around and kissed Evie quick, she was beaming.
I stood at the foot of the stage and shook hands with each and every one of my writers. I owed it all to them. At last I was up there, holding the golden lady in my hands. Finally, my show and the phenomenal work my writers did was being recognized. I hardly knew what to say. "Oh Hollywood, all is forgiven."
I thanked as many people as I could think to thank - of course, my family - and praised the writers standing behind me. Then something occurred to me.
"I wanna thank Jon Stewart," I said. "But he asked me not to - change your mind, please!"
I pointed to him in the audience and could practically see his face turn red from all the way back there. In a matter of minutes, it was all over and we were walking back to our seats. The show went to a commercial break then so as I walked past Jon, I stuck my tongue out at him. He whacked my leg and gave me an annoyed look.
"You knew I couldn't keep that promise, Jon," I said, grinning at him. He just rolled his eyes at me.
I went and sat next to Evie. Maddie asked to hold the Emmy and I let her, though it was hard to let go of the statue now that I had it.
"Finally," said Evie. "You won."
"Yeah," I said, beaming at her.
"I'm so proud of you," she said, kissing my cheek once more.
"Thanks," I said. "This is probably just so they won't feel guilty when they give the other one to Rickles."
"Oh, stop it!" she said, hitting my arm lightly. "Be optimistic!"
I smiled sardonically, realizing I'd said the same thing to Jon mere hours ago.
******
My face went as red as a ripe tomato when Stephen thanked me and pointed to me. God, I could have dealt with him thanking me but did he have to point me out too? I knew everyone knew I was there, it wasn't like I was hiding, But to be conspicuously pointed out made me crazy. I should have known. Stephen was obviously still riding his caffeine high.
Before long we got to the next category that both I and Stephen were nominated in. The award for best show...in the category, that is. I didn't want to beat Stephen, I had no desire to trump him...but I did want that statue. I didn't like to brag but I knew we had done a good job this year and deserved that award.
"And the Emmy goes to..." I froze in my seat, every muscle in my body tensing in expectation. "The Daily Show!"
Yes. The muscles relaxed and I jumped out of my seat. Stephen stood up and reached out to me. I gave him a quick hug, not to seem too conspicuous. I stood in the aisle, waiting for the rest of the crew to join me. I grinned at Stephen and jogged up to the stage. I felt a bit like I was stealing the award from Stephen. After all, we'd won it years and years in a row, he deserved to get it once. But as soon as I was up there, I didn't really care.
I approached the mike and said my bit, thanking everyone who worked on the show. I wanted to make it perfectly clear that this wasn't my show. I remembered, before I left the stage, to thank Stephen. "And young Mr. Colbert...congratulations on a well-deserved writing." I saw him grin at me from the audience. Before I finished, I couldn't resist adding, "And I really look forward to the next administration...whoever it is. Um, I have nothing to follow that up with. I just really look forward to the next administration, whoever it
is. Thank you."
They'd told us all not to be overtly political. But come on, when you had the stage and hundreds of captive people, you had to say something. The show went to a commercial and I made my way back to my seat.
"Way to go!" shouted Stephen as I sat down. I turned to look at him, he was beaming at me. Now we were even, we each had a pretty golden statue.
"Where are you puttin' yours?" I called.
"On top of the bookshelves," he said, gesturing with his hands. I'd seen his bookshelves, they were quite a display. "I measured before we left."
I shook my head and chuckled. "How much longer 'till we present?"
"Should be only one more break," said Stephen. "They'll let us know."
I nodded and turned to face forward as the show came back. So far, the night wasn't as bad as I'd been expecting. The only downside was the raging craving I was having for a cigarette. When I was sure the camera wasn't on me, I popped another Nicorette.
******
A short while after Jon was presented with his award, we were called backstage to get prepared for the award we were going to present. Evie wished me luck and I headed back, walking a few steps behind Jon. When we were out of the main auditorium area, I caught up with him and nudged his arm.
"Ready for this?"
Jon shrugged. "I guess."
I noticed that he seemed to be chewing on something. "Jon, are you chewing gum?"
Jon sighed and nodded. "Yeah."
He looked a little skittish, his hands kept jutting in and out of his pockets like they were unsure where to land for good. "Are you having...cravings?"
Again, Jon nodded. "Ever since Thursday. Something about having sex with you makes me want a cigarette."
"Ha!" My outburst got many annoyed looks from ushers but I ignored them. "Well, I apologize."
"Oh no," said Jon, waving his hands. "Please. Don't apologize for any of the things you've done to me."
I smirked. "Got it."
"Hey," he said. "I like what that lady said in the tribute to Laugh-In...debonair Mr. Colbert. It rhymes. Maybe we should roleplay as Frenchman."
"Oh, oui, oui," I said, raising my eyebrows. "Only if I can be the president on a goodwill tour and you can be a saucy French maiden."
"Watch it," warned Jon with a smile. "I thought we established that you were the woman here."
I sighed exasperatedly. "Oh, this again?"
"Yes, you'll never live it down," said Jon. We reached the backstage door and quickly dropped our banter. Someone noticed we had arrived and sent over a makeup lady to prepare us for the stage. A man wearing a headset handed me my bag of prunes.
"Prunes," muttered Jon, chuckling and shaking his head.
"They do a body good," I said, raising them as though in a toast.
Once we had been powdered and primped, they all scurried away to tend to other things. We were left alone in the deserted backstage. Jon looked at me and sighed.
I glanced once around the deserted backstage and then grabbed his face and kissed him soundly on the lips. When I pulled away, he gave me a questioning look.
"Congratulations," I said, smiling sexily at him.
Jon gave me a sultry look. "Well, thanks. And here's for your award..."
In one swift motion, Jon grabbed the back of my head and pulled me into him again. I pulled away, breathing heavily.
"Let's win awards every weekend," I whispered, giggling.
"Hey guys, we're, whoa--"
I jumped away from Jon at the sound of someone's voice from behind us. We both turned to look and saw Ryan Seacrest standing there, looking quite taken aback.
"Um," he said, clearing his throat. "We're about to come back from break and then we'll...announce you guys."
"Oh, okay," I said, smiling gratefully. It appeared that he was going to ignore what he'd seen so I followed his lead. Jon just stood behind me, frozen in shock. "Thanks."
Ryan gave me the thumbs up and then hurried back on stage. I turned to see Jon holding his head in his hands.
"My God, my God," he muttered. "How stupid are we?"
"Hey, hey," I said, rubbing his arm comfortingly. "Don't worry about it. Ryan Seacrest has kissed more guys than you have."
I knew he couldn't be worried after a statement like that. Jon lifted his head to look at me and cracked up. "You're probably right!"
"He won't tell anyone," I said, grinning. "He won't even tell people about the guys he kisses, he won't tell them who we kiss."
Jon giggled loudly again. "Cut it out, Stephen. We have to be serious when we get out there."
"Sorry, sorry!" I said, shrugging. "Didn't realize we had to bring our gravitas with us. I think mine's still at the hotel."
Jon smiled and shook his head. "Thanks."
"Hey, if I can't cheer you up, what good am I?"
"They're about to announce you!" called the stage manager, a frazzled looking man with a headset on.
"Come on, let's get out there and kill," I said. Jon nodded and we walked to the mouth of the stage.
"And now, the two funniest men on TV," said Tom Bergeron.
"Hannity and Colmes," said Ryan.
"No, I'm talking intentionally funny," said Tom Bergeron. "Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert!"
Jon rolled his eyes at me and I couldn't help but chuckle at the lame joke. We walked out together to the sound of The Daily Show's theme song.
"What a terrible joke!" said Jon as we walked to the microphone.
"Ah, cut him some slack," I said. "Flatter him a bit and he won't tell about us. They had to tie in what we do somehow."
Jon sighed, "Yeah, yeah."
When the applause had died down and we were at the microphone, Jon started us off.
"Thank you very much," he said. "Obviously...tonight...no politics. Just - pfft- doin' the thing."
I shrugged, slipping into character. "I-I don't wanna do politics, Jon. No one wants to hear us talk about politics."
The audience chuckled and laughed politely. Jon waved his arms as though to signal that was the bottom line. "Perfect, all right, let's do this thing. The miniseries is a fourteen part window into the soul..."
As Jon started the schpiel, I took out my miniature bag of prunes and opened it noisily. Jon paused and looked at me as I popped a few into my mouth. As soon as he looked at me, I knew it was a good thing I had something to do with my mouth during this bit or I'd break character.
"What are you doing?" asked Jon, in his perfect straight man voice.
"What?" I asked, chewing on a prune.
"What are you doing?" repeated Jon. I could see the audience trying to feel us out, trying to figure out where this was going. Steve was grinning like a fool in the front row.
"I'm sorry, Jon," I said around a mouthful of prunes. "I'm just enjoying...these delicious prunes."
Out of the corner of my eye I could see the corners of Jon's mouth quirking upward, the way they did when a toss was about to go south.
"Go ahead, go ahead," I said, digging my hand into the bag once more.
"You...you need to do that right now? You need to eat prunes right now?"
"Yes, Jon," I said, turning to him with one of the wrinkly fruits clutched between my fingers. Still he was starting to smile but I resolved to keep a straight face. "I need to. And you know what?"
Jon was smiling quite obviously now. I'm not going to say that I wanted to make him crack up at one of the biggest events of the year but...I just did.
"I think right now, America needs a prune." The audience cracked up. They knew what we were talking about. "It may not be a young sexy plum, granted it is shriveled - and at times hard to swallow - but this dried up old fruit has the experience we need."
The audience loved it. And this is why I loved my job, this connection that I was able to make through a silly, satirical joke like this one. There was a certain magic in that commonality we could all find through a joke about something as serious as this election year.
"Y'know," said Jon, bringing in the voice of reason. "After eight years of prunes...you would think--"
I cut him off, shaking my head and popping another prune. "Nope - never enough. What could possibly go wrong?"
The audience kept laughing and now Jon was practically laughing too. I just kept chewing on the wrinkly fruit and trying not to look at Steve who was cracking up in the front row with Nancy.
Still with a smile on his face and that slight chuckle in his voice, Jon finished the bit. "Here are the nominees for outstanding director in a miniseries, movie or dramatic special."
They rolled the clips of the nominees and while the camera was momentarily off of us, Jon bumped my hip with his.
"You did great," he murmured, leaning away from the microphone.
I grimaced and gave a chuckle. "Yeah, but I had to eat the prunes."
Jon snorted. The camera came back to us after the nominees had been named and we presented the award. We stepped aside to let the winner make his speech and then presented one more award. Once we were finished with that, we were ushered offstage. Behind the scenes, Ryan Seacrest cast us a funny look. I caught his eye and then looked away quickly.
Things were getting risky. Jon had been right about laying low.
******
After Stephen and I did our presentation, we made our way back to our seats. We walked in silence. I felt pretty shaken up about being caught with Ryan Seacrest. That was foolish, we shouldn't have done that there. I should have stopped him. But it was hopeless, I was powerless when Stephen kissed me.
"We did well, dontcha think?" said Stephen. I looked over at him, he had his hands in his pockets, looking rather sheepish.
I sighed. "Yeah, you were fantastic. I thought you were gonna make me laugh though."
"I was trying," said Stephen, smirking at me. "Hey, honestly, don't worry about Seacrest."
I ran a hand nervously through my hair. "I don't know. Should we...should we talk to him about it or something? I mean, can we just let it go?"
Stephen gave a little shrug of his shoulders. I scoffed and kept walking toward the theatre.
"What?" called Stephen. "What's the matter?"
I spun around and spread my hands. "What do you mean? What do you mean what's wrong?" I looked around, the lobby was deserted but I lowered my voice all the same. "Damn it, Stephen. You shouldn't have done that back there. Aren't you upset about him seeing us? I mean, why aren't you worried at all?"
Again, Stephen shrugged. "Jon...I...I don't know. It just honestly doesn't worry me."
"Well, it worries me," I said. I kept walking. I could feel Stephen following me.
"Jon, I'm sorry," he said. I felt his hand graze my arm but I picked up the pace.
"Stephen, this is a very public event," I said, stopping for a moment. "Now, I love you to death but...I'm sorry, I know this sounds bad but I really don't want us to be found out. I know that if you really love someone, you shouldn't care if people know or not. But this is serious. If people find out about it, I could lose you. Okay?"
Stephen mouthed wordlessly at me, his hands at his sides, unsure of what to do.
"It's like I can feel people closing in on us. First I had that nightmare about Tracey catching us and then you have that incident with Evie. It's...it's all just getting too close. We were fine for a long time. I'm worried that our luck's running out. I'm sorry," I said again.
"You don't have anything...to be sorry about," he said, his voice strained.
I sighed and touched his arm gently. He smiled at me. "Come on, let's just get back in there. We'll discuss it later."
Stephen nodded. I sighed and we both walked back to our seats.
******
"Here are the nominees for outstanding host of a variety, comedy or musical program."
I held my breath. My chances were slim to none. If anyone knew that, I did. As soon as Kathy Griffin walked out on that stage with Don Rickles and everyone gave him a standing ovation, I knew that I didn't have a chance. But still, I was an optimistic person. I couldn't help but be anxious and just a little hopeful. I couldn't look over at Jon, I couldn't even look at Evie. I crossed my fingers and hid them under my leg.
"And the Emmy goes to...Don Rickles!"
A twinge of disappointment hit me and then the irony hit me and I had to laugh. As I clapped for him, Evie put her hand on my arm. I shook my head, I was fine.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
"Fine, fine," I said, keeping a wide smile because I knew they'd put the cameras on me after the big deal I'd made about this on the show.
I finally looked over at Jon. He gave me a sad, slightly bitter smile and rolled his eyes. I shrugged. What was I going to do? There was clearly a conspiracy going on. The legends were bribing Shaffner, clearly. Mr. Rickles gave his speech. He's really a funny guy, he's fantastic and he deserved the award. I really had nothing against him, he was a legend.
Despite all these feelings, it still stung.
******
At last, the awards were over. Stephen and I each walked away with one, and I was happy with that. I walked out with him and his family.
"I knew it," he said to me. "I knew it, I tell you, I could have called it."
I nodded and sighed. "Yup. When he walked out there with--"
"Kathy Griffin," we said at the same time and cracked up. He put his arm around me and hugged me close for a split second. I couldn't help but glance around to see if anyone had noticed.
"I wasn't even in the running. I don't even know why they said my name," I said, shaking my head. "Everyone knew it was either you or Rickles."
"Oh come on, Jon," he said, frowning. "You're on your way to being a legend yourself. You're probably the last person who will beat me before finally, I will walk that stage as a decrepit old man and accept the award."
"Please, Stephen. If they don't give it to you in the next five years I'll find out who you have to sleep with and personally sleep with them to get you the award, okay?"
Stephen threw his head back and laughed. Out of the corner of my eye I caught Maddie looking askance at us. I cleared my throat and tried not to notice. Stephen always said she was a very perceptive kid.
As we reached the exit, a man wearing a headset stopped us in our tracks.
"Hey," he said, his eyes lighting up. "Would you guys do an interview with Nancy O'Dell?"
A/N: Help me think this through, s'il vous plait? What are the different/possible situations if Evie figures it out? Is there any way to go so that she knows, they're still together, and I don't make this story AU? I'm afraid there isn't so I'm wary of letting her figure it out. Is there ANY way she would accept it??
Author: shoebox_addict
Pairing: Jon/Stephen
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Swearing, nothing else
Author's Notes: Part twenty eight! This one took me a while because of the wealth of material that happened at and around the Emmys. As it is, this is only the ceremony, not the interviews or after parties yet. So, enjoy! Thanks - as always - for the comments and support.
Disclaimer: Any similarity between the fictional version of the person portrayed here and the actual persons is purely coincidental. This is a work of fiction. This is not an attempt to defame the character of said person on the basis of libel, as the work is FICTIONAL (and NOT an intently false statement created with the express purpose of misleading others about the actual character of said person).
Any mention of 'The Daily Show', 'The Colbert Report', 'Viacom', any associated entities, or any copyrighted material pertaining therein is reasonably protected by the Fair Use Rule of the United States Copyright Act of 1976 and is not intended to infringe upon any copyrighted material.
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Eleven./Twelve./Thirteen./Fourteen./Fifteen./Sixteen./Seventeen./Eighteen./Nineteen./Twenty./
Twenty-one./Twenty-two./Twenty-three./Twenty-four./Twenty-five./Twenty-six./Twenty-seven./
"Recurring Dreams" {part 28: the Emmys}
Friday and Saturday flew past me in a flurry of planning and packing and checking and re-checking. By Sunday morning we were in LA. Luckily, Comedy Central grouped its talent in similar hotels so Stephen and I had only two floors separating us. I was relieved to have him nearby since Tracey hadn't accompanied me. Oh, it had been tough saying goodbye to her and the kids. I'd only been back in town for two weeks and now I had to leave again. Poor Nathan was so confused. I tried to be cheerful and promise him more Power Rangers when I got back, but it killed me to leave them again.
I called Steve as soon as I got into town. He wanted to get together with Stephen and I, to see our relationship in action, he said. It still unnerved me a bit that Steve knew about all this. Sure, we'd known him forever but it still felt weird somehow. I was pleasantly surprised, however, at how cool he was being about it all. Not that he had ever been a huge homophobe or anything. As much as we wanted to get together, we knew the day was going to be a busy one. We just didn't have time to drive out and meet him somewhere.
That was unfortunate, I really did want to see him and do some catching up. Plus, along with Stephen, Steve was one of my biggest watchdogs for calling me out on smoking. Ever since Thursday night, I'd been craving cigarettes again. I tried desperately to ignore it but through all the frantic, stressful packing it seemed to shine through. Needless to say, I chewed lots of Nicorette. By Sunday morning, as I was sitting all alone in my hotel room, I could really use a friend.
Luckily, all I had to do was take the elevator to see Stephen. Actually, I called him and told him to come up to my room since he had Evie and Maddie with him.
"Hey," he said, hugging me as I let him in.
"How are you?" I asked him, locking the door.
"Fine," he said, grinning and bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Excited!"
"I can tell," I said, chuckling. "You're like a big ball of energy."
"I am," he said, unable to stop grinning. "I'm really really excited with a huge dash of anxiety and a cappucino on top."
"Oh," I groaned. "Who gave you coffee?"
"A very unwise barrista," he said. "Why aren't you more excited?"
I shrugged. "Stephen, it's only the Emmys."
"Yeah, but I feel so gooood about this one," he said. "This is gonna be my year."
"Stephen, have you been into your mini bar?"
"Oh hell no," said Stephen. "Evie forbid me. Understandable, everything in there is just exorbitantly expensive."
I couldn't help but laugh at how bouncy Stephen was. "Are you gonna be this crazy excited all day long?"
"You betcha!" said Stephen
"Is Maddie excited?"
"Oh yes, she is," he said. "Evie went out and got her a very nice dress for the red carpet and all. Evie looks gorgeous in her dress. She modeled for me Friday night."
I nodded, feeling somewhat left out of Stephen's excitement and energy. I had never gotten extremely excited about awards shows in general, even if I was involved. No, especially if I was involved. The whole night was just a big bundle of nerves for me. And now I didn't even have anyone here with me to enjoy the evening. Except Stephen of course, but he had his family with him. His family was only two floors below us. Talk about guilt.
"That's great, Stephen," I said. "I'm glad you're so excited."
"Oh, come on," said Stephen, making a sad face and taking me by the shoulders. "You need to perk up! You're nominated in three categories, man, be excited! Be optimistic!"
I smirked at him. "Yeah, yeah. What do you think about the Rickles issue?"
Stephen suddenly turned stern. He pointed a finger in my face. "Do not mention that man's name. I don't want to hear it until they list his name in the list of nominees."
"I think he's presenting an award too. So you'll probably hear his name before that."
"Shut up," said Stephen, giggling. He sighed, suddenly melancholy. "You're gonna sweep the awards, I know it."
"Oh, Stephen, please," I protested. "I hardly think we'll sweep. You guys will get at least one of 'em, if not all three. You're newer and more fun than we are. I don't care what you say, The Daily Show is still a downer...just with a satirical smile attached."
"Jon, don't talk like that," said Stephen, stroking my cheek gently. "I know I can never say it enough to make you believe it, but your show is basically a public service against idiots like the one I play on TV."
I smiled shyly and looked down at my feet. "Ah, cut it out."
"I mean it," said Stephen. He took my chin gently in his hand and lifted my head so our eyes met. I smiled, he leaned in and kissed me softly. I could taste coffee on his lips.
"Damn, Stephen, how much coffee have you had?"
Stephen rolled his eyes at me. "Okay, so maybe it was two or three cappucinos."
I laughed and hugged him around the middle. "You're gonna crash right before the show starts."
Stephen shrugged and gave me a lopsided smile. "It'll make for an interesting acceptance speech."
"Hey," I said. "If you do win...which you probably will...don't thank me or anything, okay?"
"What?" said Stephen incredulously. "You expect me to get up there and thank everyone except you? I don't think so, Mister Stewart."
"Stephen, please. I don't want any more attention than I'm going to be getting anyway tonight. Promise me?"
Stephen frowned. "We'll see."
I sighed exasperatedly and hugged him close, savoring the small moment we had before he had to return to his family and we both had to start getting gussied up. It promised to be quite a night.
Upstairs. Evie was very conscious of the fact that her husband was upstairs. She flipped through the pages of the tourist guide she had laid out in front of her. She didn't comprehend a word. Every now and then, she paused in her page flipping and listened intently. What was she even listening for? Perhaps a creaking of bed springs or heavy footfalls on the ceiling?
She took deep breaths, trying to ignore the strange anxiety that had burst in her stomach. For weeks now, irrational thoughts had been entering her head every time Stephen went out for a drink "with the guys" or even just to the office. Something felt off. She didn't know where the thoughts were coming from, she didn't know if they were founded on any truth.
Last week, Stephen had been acting very strangely and coming home quite late. The incident on Thursday morning was just the icing on this dreadful cake. And he'd certainly skirted the issue quickly when she'd suggested counseling. Had that been too rash? She didn't know. Sometimes it felt like she didn't know anything anymore.
All she knew was that she had a sneaking suspicion about Jon Stewart.
I stood in front of the mirror and looked myself over. I looked pretty great if I did say so myself. Evie came behind me, we looked like quite the handsome couple together. She reached her hands around to straighten my bowtie.
"You look very nice, Stephen," she said, smiling fondly at me. I turned around, took her hands and twirled her around the room. She giggled like a schoolgirl and fell against me. I hugged her close. Just then, Maddie came out of the bathroom.
"Oh my goodness," I breathed. "Who is this lovely young woman?"
"I don't know," said Evie, tearing up slightly at the sight of our daughter, resplendent in her red dress.
"It can't be...our daughter!" I said, gasping and staring at her with wide eyes.
"Dad, cut it out," said Maddie, rolling her eyes at me.
"That's my girl," I said, pulling her close. Now I had Evie under one arm and Maddie under the other. I smiled to myself. "The two most important women in my life."
"Da-ad," moaned Maddie, squirming away from me.
"Sorry, sorry," I said, backing away from her. "I suppose that means you don't want me to mess up your hair on the red carpet."
Maddie gave me one of her new teenage glares and I nodded. "Got it."
Evie looked at me and shrugged. Late in the evening, the limousine came to pick us up from the hotel lobby. I thought maybe we'd be riding with Jon but I didn't see him anywhere. As we drove to the theatre, the new location of the Emmys, I reflected on what the night meant. I couldn't help but realize this was a reality check. I didn't like to think I was overly egotistical, that was my character's job, but going to these awards shows always reminded me that not everyone loved us the way our fans did. Here, Jon and I - and even Steve - were pretty small potatoes compared to some of the really big celebrities.
We didn't have to drive for long and soon we found ourselves approaching the hoards of people and paparazzi that was the red carpet. I straightened my bowtie self-consciously and began to steel myself for the reporters. Evie squeezed my hand comfortingly and even Maddie gave me a bracing smile.
Our limo rolled up to the head of the carpet and the person closest to the door pushed it open. The camera flashes and cheering died down slightly when they saw who it was. Especially since the first guy to get out of the limo was one of my writers, Pete. The cheering returned a bit when I stepped out of the stretch and I plastered that smile on my face for all the cameras I could hear clicking.
"Hey, Stephen!"
I turned to see who was calling my name. I hoped maybe it would be Jon, but it wasn't. It was Steve. I gave him a huge smile and hugged him.
"Good to see you," I said, clapping him on the back.
"How are you doing?" he asked, raising his eyebrows slightly and I knew what he meant.
"Just fine, just fine," I said.
"Who is this?" said Steve, his eyes widening at the sight of Maddie. Maddie just rolled her eyes at another annoying adult performance.
"Hi, Uncle Steve," she said, giving him a little wave.
"Hey, Evie," said Steve, leaning in to kiss her cheek.
"Hi," said Evie. "Oh hi, Nancy!"
"Hey everyone," said Nancy as she came into view through all the people surrounding us.
As Evie and Nancy consulted each other on their dresses, I leaned into Steve's ear. "Have you seen Jon?"
Steve just shook his head. "Sorry."
"S'ok," I said. "I saw him earlier today."
"Ohh?" said Steve, wiggling his eyebrows. I slapped him on the arm.
"Oh, shut up."
"If you're gonna tell me about these things, you have to expect some poking fun too," said Steve, grinning. "Hey, we gotta keep moving on. See you inside!"
"Sure, see you!" I called as Steve and Nancy got swept away with the crowd.
I'd always felt like the red carpet was far too drawn out. By the end, my shoes were starting to pinch my feet and I was tired of smiling so much. Evie, Maddie, and I had posed for countless pictures and we'd even given a quick interview. Through all of this I hadn't caught a glimpse of Jon. Maybe he'd skipped the red carpet. I knew he hated this part most of all. In past years I'd tried to make him more comfortable, just joking around, and I'd hoped to see him again. But I guess he had other plans.
Finally we entered the theatre. A man asked our names and led us to our seats. It wasn't until I had sat down and looked around a bit that I noticed Jon was seated right across the aisle from me.
"Hey!" I called. "Jon!"
Jon spun around, startled, looking for who had called his name. He caught sight of my smiling face and grinned.
"Hey!" he called back. It didn't look as though the actual awards show would start for another few minutes so Jon stood up and came over to stand by us. He clapped me on the shoulder and reached over me to kiss Evie's cheek. "How are you doing, Evie?"
"Fine, just fine," said Evie. It seemed to me like her smile was a bit artificial. I dismissed it and chuckled as Jon reacted to Maddie's transformation. Even she had to giggle a bit at getting the same performance the third time that night.
We chatted together for a while. Jon leaned his hand on the back of my chair and I felt sweat break out on my forehead. Having him so close to me with Evie sitting right next to me was making me unduly nervous. They soon made an announcement that the ceremony was about to start. Jon said his farewells to us and as he left, his hand grazed my shoulder, the slightest touch that made me shiver.
"You're winnin' 'em!" he said, pointing at me as he walked back across the aisle.
"No, my friend, it's gonna be you!" I replied. He grinned and took his seat.
Evie smiled at me and squeezed my thigh gently. I tried to give her the most genuine smile I could but I was suddenly feeling a bit off. I had been in the vicinity of Jon and Tracey together but it had been a while since I'd had Jon and Evie both so close at hand. It felt very strange and I wondered if this was what Jon felt like when I'd come to get him at his apartment all those times.
The show kicked off well, with Oprah giving a speech. She didn't do too horribly save for one ad-lib that didn't fly. Then the five hosts came on, the reality TV hosts who were nominated in the new category. Their opening was excruciatingly awkward. Jon looked back at me and rolled his eyes. I returned the gesture and snorted. After a few awards had been presented, Ricky Gervais came out. He introduced some clips of how you should accept your award, short and sweet speeches.
And at the end of the clips, there it was. What had been dubbed our "manwich" from last year's Emmys. We had presented Ricky's Emmy to Steve and he'd come up and we'd all jumped around and stuff. It was a big hit with the fangirls, let me tell you. Anyway, they left it up there on the huge screen for quite some time and I found myself blushing at the image of me so close to Jon.
"What's wrong?" whispered Evie.
"Nothing, nothing," I said, willing my face to stop being so red. "It's just embarassing."
To make matters worse, Jon kept looking over at me and smirking. Ricky did a really long and really funny bit with Steve, asking him to give him his Emmy. Steve was great, nobody could keep a straight face like he could.
One award passed both me and Jon by. He shot me a look and I shrugged. Then they came to the award for the writing category. I sat up straight in my seat, waiting patiently. They rolled the clips of all the nominees. I had to blush again when I showed up on screen wearing nothing but a festive Christmas hat and my boxer shorts. Evie chuckled and kissed my cheek. Jon had his writers introduced through convention footage which just seemed very appropriate. I gave him the thumbs up when I caught his eye.
At last, all the nominees had been named.
"And the Emmy goes to....The Colbert Report!"
I didn't even think twice. I leapt up from my seat and gave Jon a firm, one-armed hug. He whispered, "Good job" in my ear and positively beamed. I wanted to kiss him like I had two years ago - hell, I wanted him to kiss me - but we'd promised each other to lay low this year. God bless him, he stood in the aisle and shook hands with every one of my writers as they filed up to the stage. I turned around and kissed Evie quick, she was beaming.
I stood at the foot of the stage and shook hands with each and every one of my writers. I owed it all to them. At last I was up there, holding the golden lady in my hands. Finally, my show and the phenomenal work my writers did was being recognized. I hardly knew what to say. "Oh Hollywood, all is forgiven."
I thanked as many people as I could think to thank - of course, my family - and praised the writers standing behind me. Then something occurred to me.
"I wanna thank Jon Stewart," I said. "But he asked me not to - change your mind, please!"
I pointed to him in the audience and could practically see his face turn red from all the way back there. In a matter of minutes, it was all over and we were walking back to our seats. The show went to a commercial break then so as I walked past Jon, I stuck my tongue out at him. He whacked my leg and gave me an annoyed look.
"You knew I couldn't keep that promise, Jon," I said, grinning at him. He just rolled his eyes at me.
I went and sat next to Evie. Maddie asked to hold the Emmy and I let her, though it was hard to let go of the statue now that I had it.
"Finally," said Evie. "You won."
"Yeah," I said, beaming at her.
"I'm so proud of you," she said, kissing my cheek once more.
"Thanks," I said. "This is probably just so they won't feel guilty when they give the other one to Rickles."
"Oh, stop it!" she said, hitting my arm lightly. "Be optimistic!"
I smiled sardonically, realizing I'd said the same thing to Jon mere hours ago.
My face went as red as a ripe tomato when Stephen thanked me and pointed to me. God, I could have dealt with him thanking me but did he have to point me out too? I knew everyone knew I was there, it wasn't like I was hiding, But to be conspicuously pointed out made me crazy. I should have known. Stephen was obviously still riding his caffeine high.
Before long we got to the next category that both I and Stephen were nominated in. The award for best show...in the category, that is. I didn't want to beat Stephen, I had no desire to trump him...but I did want that statue. I didn't like to brag but I knew we had done a good job this year and deserved that award.
"And the Emmy goes to..." I froze in my seat, every muscle in my body tensing in expectation. "The Daily Show!"
Yes. The muscles relaxed and I jumped out of my seat. Stephen stood up and reached out to me. I gave him a quick hug, not to seem too conspicuous. I stood in the aisle, waiting for the rest of the crew to join me. I grinned at Stephen and jogged up to the stage. I felt a bit like I was stealing the award from Stephen. After all, we'd won it years and years in a row, he deserved to get it once. But as soon as I was up there, I didn't really care.
I approached the mike and said my bit, thanking everyone who worked on the show. I wanted to make it perfectly clear that this wasn't my show. I remembered, before I left the stage, to thank Stephen. "And young Mr. Colbert...congratulations on a well-deserved writing." I saw him grin at me from the audience. Before I finished, I couldn't resist adding, "And I really look forward to the next administration...whoever it is. Um, I have nothing to follow that up with. I just really look forward to the next administration, whoever it
is. Thank you."
They'd told us all not to be overtly political. But come on, when you had the stage and hundreds of captive people, you had to say something. The show went to a commercial and I made my way back to my seat.
"Way to go!" shouted Stephen as I sat down. I turned to look at him, he was beaming at me. Now we were even, we each had a pretty golden statue.
"Where are you puttin' yours?" I called.
"On top of the bookshelves," he said, gesturing with his hands. I'd seen his bookshelves, they were quite a display. "I measured before we left."
I shook my head and chuckled. "How much longer 'till we present?"
"Should be only one more break," said Stephen. "They'll let us know."
I nodded and turned to face forward as the show came back. So far, the night wasn't as bad as I'd been expecting. The only downside was the raging craving I was having for a cigarette. When I was sure the camera wasn't on me, I popped another Nicorette.
A short while after Jon was presented with his award, we were called backstage to get prepared for the award we were going to present. Evie wished me luck and I headed back, walking a few steps behind Jon. When we were out of the main auditorium area, I caught up with him and nudged his arm.
"Ready for this?"
Jon shrugged. "I guess."
I noticed that he seemed to be chewing on something. "Jon, are you chewing gum?"
Jon sighed and nodded. "Yeah."
He looked a little skittish, his hands kept jutting in and out of his pockets like they were unsure where to land for good. "Are you having...cravings?"
Again, Jon nodded. "Ever since Thursday. Something about having sex with you makes me want a cigarette."
"Ha!" My outburst got many annoyed looks from ushers but I ignored them. "Well, I apologize."
"Oh no," said Jon, waving his hands. "Please. Don't apologize for any of the things you've done to me."
I smirked. "Got it."
"Hey," he said. "I like what that lady said in the tribute to Laugh-In...debonair Mr. Colbert. It rhymes. Maybe we should roleplay as Frenchman."
"Oh, oui, oui," I said, raising my eyebrows. "Only if I can be the president on a goodwill tour and you can be a saucy French maiden."
"Watch it," warned Jon with a smile. "I thought we established that you were the woman here."
I sighed exasperatedly. "Oh, this again?"
"Yes, you'll never live it down," said Jon. We reached the backstage door and quickly dropped our banter. Someone noticed we had arrived and sent over a makeup lady to prepare us for the stage. A man wearing a headset handed me my bag of prunes.
"Prunes," muttered Jon, chuckling and shaking his head.
"They do a body good," I said, raising them as though in a toast.
Once we had been powdered and primped, they all scurried away to tend to other things. We were left alone in the deserted backstage. Jon looked at me and sighed.
I glanced once around the deserted backstage and then grabbed his face and kissed him soundly on the lips. When I pulled away, he gave me a questioning look.
"Congratulations," I said, smiling sexily at him.
Jon gave me a sultry look. "Well, thanks. And here's for your award..."
In one swift motion, Jon grabbed the back of my head and pulled me into him again. I pulled away, breathing heavily.
"Let's win awards every weekend," I whispered, giggling.
"Hey guys, we're, whoa--"
I jumped away from Jon at the sound of someone's voice from behind us. We both turned to look and saw Ryan Seacrest standing there, looking quite taken aback.
"Um," he said, clearing his throat. "We're about to come back from break and then we'll...announce you guys."
"Oh, okay," I said, smiling gratefully. It appeared that he was going to ignore what he'd seen so I followed his lead. Jon just stood behind me, frozen in shock. "Thanks."
Ryan gave me the thumbs up and then hurried back on stage. I turned to see Jon holding his head in his hands.
"My God, my God," he muttered. "How stupid are we?"
"Hey, hey," I said, rubbing his arm comfortingly. "Don't worry about it. Ryan Seacrest has kissed more guys than you have."
I knew he couldn't be worried after a statement like that. Jon lifted his head to look at me and cracked up. "You're probably right!"
"He won't tell anyone," I said, grinning. "He won't even tell people about the guys he kisses, he won't tell them who we kiss."
Jon giggled loudly again. "Cut it out, Stephen. We have to be serious when we get out there."
"Sorry, sorry!" I said, shrugging. "Didn't realize we had to bring our gravitas with us. I think mine's still at the hotel."
Jon smiled and shook his head. "Thanks."
"Hey, if I can't cheer you up, what good am I?"
"They're about to announce you!" called the stage manager, a frazzled looking man with a headset on.
"Come on, let's get out there and kill," I said. Jon nodded and we walked to the mouth of the stage.
"And now, the two funniest men on TV," said Tom Bergeron.
"Hannity and Colmes," said Ryan.
"No, I'm talking intentionally funny," said Tom Bergeron. "Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert!"
Jon rolled his eyes at me and I couldn't help but chuckle at the lame joke. We walked out together to the sound of The Daily Show's theme song.
"What a terrible joke!" said Jon as we walked to the microphone.
"Ah, cut him some slack," I said. "Flatter him a bit and he won't tell about us. They had to tie in what we do somehow."
Jon sighed, "Yeah, yeah."
When the applause had died down and we were at the microphone, Jon started us off.
"Thank you very much," he said. "Obviously...tonight...no politics. Just - pfft- doin' the thing."
I shrugged, slipping into character. "I-I don't wanna do politics, Jon. No one wants to hear us talk about politics."
The audience chuckled and laughed politely. Jon waved his arms as though to signal that was the bottom line. "Perfect, all right, let's do this thing. The miniseries is a fourteen part window into the soul..."
As Jon started the schpiel, I took out my miniature bag of prunes and opened it noisily. Jon paused and looked at me as I popped a few into my mouth. As soon as he looked at me, I knew it was a good thing I had something to do with my mouth during this bit or I'd break character.
"What are you doing?" asked Jon, in his perfect straight man voice.
"What?" I asked, chewing on a prune.
"What are you doing?" repeated Jon. I could see the audience trying to feel us out, trying to figure out where this was going. Steve was grinning like a fool in the front row.
"I'm sorry, Jon," I said around a mouthful of prunes. "I'm just enjoying...these delicious prunes."
Out of the corner of my eye I could see the corners of Jon's mouth quirking upward, the way they did when a toss was about to go south.
"Go ahead, go ahead," I said, digging my hand into the bag once more.
"You...you need to do that right now? You need to eat prunes right now?"
"Yes, Jon," I said, turning to him with one of the wrinkly fruits clutched between my fingers. Still he was starting to smile but I resolved to keep a straight face. "I need to. And you know what?"
Jon was smiling quite obviously now. I'm not going to say that I wanted to make him crack up at one of the biggest events of the year but...I just did.
"I think right now, America needs a prune." The audience cracked up. They knew what we were talking about. "It may not be a young sexy plum, granted it is shriveled - and at times hard to swallow - but this dried up old fruit has the experience we need."
The audience loved it. And this is why I loved my job, this connection that I was able to make through a silly, satirical joke like this one. There was a certain magic in that commonality we could all find through a joke about something as serious as this election year.
"Y'know," said Jon, bringing in the voice of reason. "After eight years of prunes...you would think--"
I cut him off, shaking my head and popping another prune. "Nope - never enough. What could possibly go wrong?"
The audience kept laughing and now Jon was practically laughing too. I just kept chewing on the wrinkly fruit and trying not to look at Steve who was cracking up in the front row with Nancy.
Still with a smile on his face and that slight chuckle in his voice, Jon finished the bit. "Here are the nominees for outstanding director in a miniseries, movie or dramatic special."
They rolled the clips of the nominees and while the camera was momentarily off of us, Jon bumped my hip with his.
"You did great," he murmured, leaning away from the microphone.
I grimaced and gave a chuckle. "Yeah, but I had to eat the prunes."
Jon snorted. The camera came back to us after the nominees had been named and we presented the award. We stepped aside to let the winner make his speech and then presented one more award. Once we were finished with that, we were ushered offstage. Behind the scenes, Ryan Seacrest cast us a funny look. I caught his eye and then looked away quickly.
Things were getting risky. Jon had been right about laying low.
After Stephen and I did our presentation, we made our way back to our seats. We walked in silence. I felt pretty shaken up about being caught with Ryan Seacrest. That was foolish, we shouldn't have done that there. I should have stopped him. But it was hopeless, I was powerless when Stephen kissed me.
"We did well, dontcha think?" said Stephen. I looked over at him, he had his hands in his pockets, looking rather sheepish.
I sighed. "Yeah, you were fantastic. I thought you were gonna make me laugh though."
"I was trying," said Stephen, smirking at me. "Hey, honestly, don't worry about Seacrest."
I ran a hand nervously through my hair. "I don't know. Should we...should we talk to him about it or something? I mean, can we just let it go?"
Stephen gave a little shrug of his shoulders. I scoffed and kept walking toward the theatre.
"What?" called Stephen. "What's the matter?"
I spun around and spread my hands. "What do you mean? What do you mean what's wrong?" I looked around, the lobby was deserted but I lowered my voice all the same. "Damn it, Stephen. You shouldn't have done that back there. Aren't you upset about him seeing us? I mean, why aren't you worried at all?"
Again, Stephen shrugged. "Jon...I...I don't know. It just honestly doesn't worry me."
"Well, it worries me," I said. I kept walking. I could feel Stephen following me.
"Jon, I'm sorry," he said. I felt his hand graze my arm but I picked up the pace.
"Stephen, this is a very public event," I said, stopping for a moment. "Now, I love you to death but...I'm sorry, I know this sounds bad but I really don't want us to be found out. I know that if you really love someone, you shouldn't care if people know or not. But this is serious. If people find out about it, I could lose you. Okay?"
Stephen mouthed wordlessly at me, his hands at his sides, unsure of what to do.
"It's like I can feel people closing in on us. First I had that nightmare about Tracey catching us and then you have that incident with Evie. It's...it's all just getting too close. We were fine for a long time. I'm worried that our luck's running out. I'm sorry," I said again.
"You don't have anything...to be sorry about," he said, his voice strained.
I sighed and touched his arm gently. He smiled at me. "Come on, let's just get back in there. We'll discuss it later."
Stephen nodded. I sighed and we both walked back to our seats.
"Here are the nominees for outstanding host of a variety, comedy or musical program."
I held my breath. My chances were slim to none. If anyone knew that, I did. As soon as Kathy Griffin walked out on that stage with Don Rickles and everyone gave him a standing ovation, I knew that I didn't have a chance. But still, I was an optimistic person. I couldn't help but be anxious and just a little hopeful. I couldn't look over at Jon, I couldn't even look at Evie. I crossed my fingers and hid them under my leg.
"And the Emmy goes to...Don Rickles!"
A twinge of disappointment hit me and then the irony hit me and I had to laugh. As I clapped for him, Evie put her hand on my arm. I shook my head, I was fine.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
"Fine, fine," I said, keeping a wide smile because I knew they'd put the cameras on me after the big deal I'd made about this on the show.
I finally looked over at Jon. He gave me a sad, slightly bitter smile and rolled his eyes. I shrugged. What was I going to do? There was clearly a conspiracy going on. The legends were bribing Shaffner, clearly. Mr. Rickles gave his speech. He's really a funny guy, he's fantastic and he deserved the award. I really had nothing against him, he was a legend.
Despite all these feelings, it still stung.
At last, the awards were over. Stephen and I each walked away with one, and I was happy with that. I walked out with him and his family.
"I knew it," he said to me. "I knew it, I tell you, I could have called it."
I nodded and sighed. "Yup. When he walked out there with--"
"Kathy Griffin," we said at the same time and cracked up. He put his arm around me and hugged me close for a split second. I couldn't help but glance around to see if anyone had noticed.
"I wasn't even in the running. I don't even know why they said my name," I said, shaking my head. "Everyone knew it was either you or Rickles."
"Oh come on, Jon," he said, frowning. "You're on your way to being a legend yourself. You're probably the last person who will beat me before finally, I will walk that stage as a decrepit old man and accept the award."
"Please, Stephen. If they don't give it to you in the next five years I'll find out who you have to sleep with and personally sleep with them to get you the award, okay?"
Stephen threw his head back and laughed. Out of the corner of my eye I caught Maddie looking askance at us. I cleared my throat and tried not to notice. Stephen always said she was a very perceptive kid.
As we reached the exit, a man wearing a headset stopped us in our tracks.
"Hey," he said, his eyes lighting up. "Would you guys do an interview with Nancy O'Dell?"
A/N: Help me think this through, s'il vous plait? What are the different/possible situations if Evie figures it out? Is there any way to go so that she knows, they're still together, and I don't make this story AU? I'm afraid there isn't so I'm wary of letting her figure it out. Is there ANY way she would accept it??
