Alea Iacta Est parts 4/?
Jan. 5th, 2009 08:13 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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thedailyshow_rpsTitle: Alea Iacta Est (The Die is Cast) 4/?
Series: fakenews, sarah jane adventures, doctor who
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mild language
Disclaimer: TDS, TCR belong to Viacom, Sarah Jane Adventures and Doctor Who belongs to BBC. I own Tegan and Bry.
Summary: When two archaeologists go on The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert don't really think anything of it. But, when a person looking for revenge on the archaeologists finds them, the two comedians find themselves in a time and place full of slaves, masters, and Games.
Chapter 1
“Please welcome our guest tonight, archaeologist Dr Tegan Landson,” Jon Stewart announced to his audience. I stepped out from behind the Daily Show set, walked over to the desk, and shook Jon’s hand before sitting in the chair. “I already like you,” Jon commented.
“Why?”
“You’re the first guest in awhile who doesn’t tower over me.”
“Well, my husband is your height, so I frequently forget how tall an American man is supposed to be.” We received big laughs from the audience at that exchange.
“Speaking of your husband, Brian Schrieber, he’ll be on the Colbert Report later. Stephen and I haven’t done this married couple interview thing before. Before we really get started, I must ask why you chose me and Brian chose Stephen.”
I smiled. “Being the gentleman, Bry decided that he should suffer the interview by the more… what’s a good word?”
“Egotistic?”
I nodded. “The more egotistic guy.”
“Any other reasons?”
“I probably shouldn’t say those on public television, in case my husband sees it later,” I replied, looking at Jon with what I hoped was a playfully flirtatious expression. I grinned at the high-pitched giggle that came from the host.
Jon cleared his throat after a moment. “Moving on,” he said, reaching under his desk a taking out a book. He held it up for the audience to see and turned to me. “You wrote this book, which I must add, is on the New York Times Bestseller list. It’s called An Alien’s Observations of Humankind. I’ve read about a third of it so far. Very interesting. First question: What’s with the title? Are you secretly an alien?”
“If so, no one told me. Jon, when you’ve seen and experienced as much as I have, you start to view the world in a completely different way.”
“Can you elaborate on that? I haven’t done very much travelling myself.”
“You do this analysis thing this in a humorous way. I do it in a more serious way. I see the absurdities of people and I genuinely did not understand why people act the ways they do.”
“Hence the observations of the alien.”
“Exactly.”
“You’re an archaeologist. What inspired you to choose that as a career field? I know I couldn’t spend weeks digging in deserts and jungles for anything.”
“It’s not for everyone. You must have patience, and be willing to work in any environment with so many different people.”
Jon nodded. “What’s the best environment to work in?”
“Well, each has its own advantages and disadvantages. In a snow environment, there is ice to deal with, which can really run your patience to the limit. But ice completely freezes all the artifacts. The snow itself is great and fun to work in. In a desert, sand has the annoying habit of getting everywhere, but the heat does a pretty good job of preserving most things. With the jungle environment, the humidity makes it pretty damn uncomfortable, with all the persistent insects and all that, but the excitement once you find something very well preserved cancels out all the feelings of previous suffering.”
“So, if I wanted to be preserved after I die, what environment would do the best job?”
“That is a question I’ve never been asked before, Jon. I’d say a swampy bog is best for preservation. The bog mummies are considered to be the best.”
“Let see if I got this right. Your advice for becoming a good-looking mummy is to die in a swamp.”
“Absolutely.”
“Where’s the closest swamp from here?”
“I believe that would be in Mississippi or Florida.”
Jon paused and put on a thoughtful expression. “I think I’ll take my chances here. You never did answer my question of what inspired you.”
“Oh, sorry. It started when I was little with dinosaurs. Then I discovered that people have been around for a very long time as well. I fell in love with the ancient Egyptian society, and then started branching out from there. I guess I want to… to tell the story that those long dead people can no longer tell.”
“Wow. Those are inspiring words. And words you have definitely lived by,” Jon replied, looking at his note cards. “You’ve discovered an almost completely intact temple near Luthor, Egypt, a huge burial site in the Himalayas, a buried village in Italy, and a large tribe in the Amazon. These are all huge discoveries. If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you?”
“Twenty-nine.”
“Twenty-nine? You’re not even thirty yet?” Jon glanced at his blue note cards. “You graduated with your PhD at twenty-five, and have already made four huge discoveries in four years.”
“We actually found the village and tribe in the same year.”
“That’s right. You disappeared for six months during a trip to Australia. I know you did a press conference thing explaining to people what happened three months ago. Is there anything you’d like to add to it? I mean, I can’t imagine what it would be like…”
“To be honest, Jon, that wasn’t the scariest or most disturbing thing to happen to me. I’ve been in so many other desperate situations before Australia.”
“Would you like to share any of them with us?”
“We’d be here all night with all the stories I could tell. Let’s just say that the hobby my friends and I share gets us into trouble.”
“The illegal kind of trouble?”
I grinned. “I know not to confirm or deny that on public television.”
“Ah, smart girl. Well, one last thing before you go. When we posted you as our guest on the website,” Jon looked at another blue note card. “A college student named Asharad Ali, from University of Michigan emailed us with a couple of questions. First, what is your favorite time period and place?”
“Time period? Anything before the Middle Ages. Everything after that is too recent for me to really get into.”
“Are you implying that you don’t like American history?”
I nodded. “Compared to the rest of the world, it doesn’t have much history. As for the place? Egypt.”
“So, the perfect date for you is Ancient Egypt?”
“If you want.”
Jon wrote on his note card. “I’ll call you for a date next week. I’ve got a time machine.” The comedian took a deep breath. “Okay, last question. Asharad wants to know what you think of the fact that his archaeology classes have your published field reports as required reading.”
“My reports are required reading?” I asked, somewhat surprised. “Well, I guess I feel honored and… I don’t know what else. I’m a very modest person, and don’t like building myself up to this great person. I only hope my reports actually have something to teach these students. Jon, which camera is taping us?”
The host pointed to Camera One. “That one.”
I turned to look directly into the camera. “Asharad Ali, I wish you all the luck in your studies, and hope to see you in the field someday.” I turned back to Jon.
“Well, that’s all the time we have. The book is called An Alien’s Observations of Humankind. A big thanks to our guest, Dr Tegan Landson. We’ll be right back.”
During the commercial break, I leaned over the desk and said to the host in a quiet tone, “My husband and I are looking forward to having dinner with you and Stephen later tonight.”
Jon laid his hand over mine. He replied with, “I lied about the time machine. I’ll try to get one next week. Be warned, I’m not sure I could control it. We might end up with dinosaurs chasing after us.”
An amusing memory of that exact event happening to Martha Jones, Brian, and I twelve years ago, after the Doctor failed at controlling his time/space ship, the TARDIS, sent me into a fit of quiet laughter. Jon’s remark of “Was that comment really that funny?” made my laughter so intense that I lowered my forehead to rest on the desk, my shoulder-length dreadlocks fanning out around my head, to attempt to get myself back under control. After a moment, I raised my head, a grin still on my face. Jon glanced at the cameraman and said to me, “They said you have to go now. I’ll see you tonight.”
I stood, shook his hand, and responded with, “Please, don’t bring the time machine.”
I left the set with a smile. I was completely unaware that someone else would bring a time machine to dinner tonight.
Chapter 2
“Is this the local pundit hang-out?” my husband asked right after the four of us ordered our main courses. The restaurant was Italian in theme, which seemed to be standard for nice restaurants.
“Why do you ask?” inquired Stephen.
Bry tilted his head to the door, where a waiter was approaching CNN anchor Anderson Cooper, and MSNBC anchor Keith Olbermann.
“Oh, they uh… those two come here a lot,” Jon said.
“I see,” I replied. I noticed Stephen’s hand closest to Jon tap out a silent beat on the tabletop. “Do you two also ‘come here a lot?’”
“What do you mean?” Stephen asked a little too quickly.
I leaned in to whisper, “I’ve been told I’m very good at reading people. So, how long have you two been together?”
“How do you know we’re together?” Jon inquired.
I half-smiled. “Stephen wants to hold your hand, but is trying to restrain himself. And your knees are touching under the table.”
“Damn,” Stephen replied, leaning back in his chair, mirroring my smile. “She’s got us, Jon. Tegan, to answer your question, almost a year.”
“Not even our co-workers know,” added Jon. “You just met us today. You’re good. So, how about you and Bry?”
“Senior year of high school,” my husband answered. “I was her first boyfriend.”
“Impressive,” Stephen remarked. “I’ve never heard of anyone staying with their first boyfriend or girlfriend for twelve years.”
Bry nodded. “We’ve been married for four of those years.”
Jon asked him, “Do you know why Tegan would laugh uncontrollably at a joke involving a time machine and dinosaurs?”
My husband grinned. “I’m not allowed to tell you that.”
Stephen leaned in. “Are you two part of the CIA or something?”
Bry and I glanced at each other, smiles still on our faces, and didn’t reply.
Jon sighed. “Stephen, you know that if they were, they wouldn’t be allowed to tell us. Okay, Tegan, you mentioned on the show that the hobby you and your friends share often gets you into trouble. The illegal kind of trouble?”
I nodded. “Sometimes.”
“What kind of hobby is this? Bank robbing?” Stephen joked.
“Not quite allowed to tell you that, either,” Bry said.
“Okay then, what are you allowed to tell us?”
Every person in the restaurant quieted down at the crash and muffled screams from the kitchen. At the yell of “Shut the hell up!” from the kitchen, everyone froze, unsure what to make of the situation.
“Angry chef or manager?” Jon quietly suggested.
Another silent minute passed, with all the patrons showing tense anticipation. Anderson and Keith slowly stood at their table, ready for action, if needed. The four of us followed their example. At the sound of a loud, sharp hissing sound from the kitchen, the panic started. Anderson and Keith sprang into action, getting the patrons to their feet and ushering them towards the door.
Bry and I recognized the sound, and started helping with the evacuation. Jon and Stephen, puzzled expressions on their faces, also joined in with the effort.
“I thought I told you people to shut up!” shouted the voice from the kitchen. The front door of the restaurant suddenly closed and locked. We had gotten about half the people out before he came through the kitchen door.
The man was an unassuming one about 6 feet tall, wearing a grey hoodie and blue jeans. The gun in his hand sent everybody into a panic.
The patrons scattered, knocking tables over and crouching behind them. The six of us “authority figures” had no choice but to do the same. Anderson and Keith dove behind a table. Stephen tripped on the way and Bry, Jon, and I stopped to help him up.
We froze as the gunman approached. His pale face split into a manic grin as he looked the four of us over. His gun looked like a regular handgun. The man reached into his hoodie pocket.
“What the hell?” was Jon’s and Stephen’s first question as a transparent purple dome formed around us. “What is this thing?” was their next when they felt the inner surface of the dome.
“Energy field,” Bry answered. “Let’s save the rest of the questions for later.”
The gunman turned to address the rest of the restaurant. “You are all now my hostages. If I hear any screams, I shoot.” In demonstration, he shot at a person’s foot sticking out from behind a table, and purposely missed. “Don’t even try going for the doors. They’re magnetically sealed,” was his warning before he went back into the kitchen.
The second the doors swung closed behind the gunman, Anderson sprang up from his hiding place and hurried over to us. Keith kept watch for the gunman.
Anderson pressed his hands against the purple dome, as though trying to push his way through it. “What is this thing?”
“Energy field,” I told the news anchor. “And I have a suspicion that the only way out of it is for that man to turn it off.”
“We can’t give up that easily,” Stephen objected. “I don’t think he’s going to turn it off anytime soon.”
Anderson didn’t let up, and went to his knees to feel the floor at the base of the dome. He tried to find an opening in the layer of plush carpet. “Damn, nothing,” he muttered as he stood up, still feeling the energy field for any kind of weakness.
“Andy!” Keith suddenly hissed.
I glanced to the kitchen door and saw the gunman emerge. He said, “Mr Anderson, I suggest you back away from them.”
Anderson didn’t even turn around. “Get them out of this… whatever it is.”
“Those two archaeologists in there are my special hostages.”
Anderson tried a hand at negotiation. “What about the other two? Are they as important to you?”
The gunman smiled. “Not really. I believe its called collateral damage, an accident, perhaps. Now, I think you should go back to your rather worried friend over there.”
Anderson turned around, frustration on his face. The gunman didn’t hesitate in raising his weapon and shooting. The loud hissing sound from before accompanied the blue bolt. I had seen this weapon before.
Anderson cried out and staggered backwards into the purple energy field. The gunman shot him again, and the news anchor slid down the dome into a sitting position, legs splayed out in front of him, head lolled to the side. Since his back was against the surface of the energy field, we couldn’t see Anderson’s face.
Jon and Stephen went to their knees near Anderson and tried to push their way through the barrier. Keith charged into the gunman from behind and tried to wrestle the gun away from him. With unexpected strength, the gunman flung Keith into the dome surface next to Anderson. The older anchorman held the unconscious Anderson close to protect him as the gunman raised his firearm.
“Senai!” Bry and I shouted in unison.
The gunman’s image flickered for a second, revealing the holographic illusion of the man, and for a split-second showed the true form of the person behind the hologram. “Ah,” he sighed. “You finally recognize me.”
“Yes, let’s skip all the pleasantries and get straight to the point,” Bry said. “What do you want this time? Why the hostages?”
“Perhaps this will convince UNIT to stop tracking me. I’ve been on the run since-“
“We stopped you three years ago,” I finished.
Senai laughed. “But you failed to catch me.”
“We may have failed, but it seems like UNIT has been keeping you busy,” I goaded. We needed to stall for time. If Senai hadn’t changed in the last three years, it wouldn’t take much to make him start talking.
Surely enough, Senai started speaking. “Yes, they have. Three years I’ve been stuck on your miserable planet and-“
“Excuse me, miserable planet?” Keith interrupted.
The alien man let off a laser shot slightly above Keith’s head to quiet him. Senai went on. “I’m even starting to stink like you humans do.”
Stephen spoke up. “Then why don’t you just get in your spaceship and leave, if you’re so tired of these UNIT people chasing you.”
“I would, but your friends here decided to destroy my technology. They-“ Senai started.
There was a sudden muffled thunderclap. Martha Jones, former companion to the Doctor and UNIT operative, appeared behind Senai. Martha raised her gun and pointed it at the alien’s back.
Before Senai turned to face her, he said to us inside the dome, “But I fixed it. Say good-bye to your friends.”
“Be quiet and put your gun on the floor,” Martha commanded.
Bry slipped his cell phone out of his pocket. Bry looked up at the two fakenews pundits. “If this dome works like it did last time, we could end up anywhere without our technology. It’s best if you were prepared.”
“Prepared for what, exactly?” Jon asked in frustration.
I caught on to my husband’s plan and took out my cell phone. Stephen looked over my shoulder as I flicked through my contacts list. He asked when I stopped on one, “Who’s TARDIS?”
I didn’t answer. I pressed the call button and pressed the phone to Stephen’s eat. A second after, he cried out and clapped his hand to his ear. I heard Jon do the same.
Keith tore his eyes away from the stand-off between Martha and Senai. “What just happened?” he asked, still holding the injured and unconscious Anderson.
Jon hissed from the residual sting in his ear. “They just zapped us with their phones.” He glanced at Bry. “What the hell, man? That hurt.”
We all flinched as another four muffled thunderclaps announced the arrival of four more UNIT operatives. They formed themselves into a circle around Senai.
“We’re safe now, right?” Stephen inquired. “They’ve got him.”
“But you forget, he’s got us in here,” Bry reminded.
We turned our attention back to Martha and her troop surrounding Senai. The alien man let out a loud sigh. “Martha, I must bid you good-bye, and I’m certain we will never meet again.”
“Senai, don’t-“ Martha fired her gun too late.
Senai had reached into his hoodie pocket and abruptly disappeared. Almost instantly after, the dome we were stuck in started to vibrate. Martha rushed over to us and tried to disengage the energy field. “How the hell do you turn this thing off?” she shouted in frustration.
Jon and Stephen were now pounding on the inside of the field, desperate to get out. Keith was pounding on it from the outside.
“Martha, call Sarah Jane. Tell her what happened.” Bry instructed as the dome vibrated harder.
“Keith,” I addressed. “Take care of Anderson. We’ll take care of Jon and Stephen.”
“Where are you going?” was the newsman’s shouted question.
Within a blink, the entire restaurant was gone.
Something sliced across my forehead and I fell to hot sand in shock. Red capes, bronze armor, spears, and swords danced around me. Something wet and sticky splattered across my face.
Jon leaned over me. A plume-helmeted figure raised a sword behind him. Without thinking, I snatched up a spear by my side and thrust it between Jon’s arm and side into the figure’s ribs. I quickly glanced around. “Where are Bry and Stephen?” I asked, scurrying to my feet.
“I don’t know,” Jon replied as we ducked under two fighters’ spears.
I pulled Jon down as a flurry of arrows whistled through the air. A horse panicked, and its chariot turned over. I felt something hit my head, and my vision blurred to darkness.
Chapter 3
“Where did they go?” Keith Olbermann shouted at Martha Jones. “What the hell just happened here?”
Martha went to her knees at the newsman’s side to check over Anderson. Instead of answering Keith, she directed her squad. “Hichani, Kerry, work on getting that door open. Jackson, Jordan, tend to the hostages.” With a salute, the soldiers went to their tasks.
Martha quickly unbuttoned Anderson’s shirt to examine the wound made by Senai’s firearm. Keith gasped at the large patch of burnt and bleeding flesh on his friend’s pale chest.
“Wh-what kind of gun can do that?” Keith asked, holding Anderson’s hand and stroking his silver hair.
“Laser and electricity,” Martha answered over the approaching sirens.
Anderson’s hand suddenly squeezed Keith’s in an iron grip and his body began violently convulsing. “Do something,” Keith pleaded of Martha.
Martha already had a needle and syringe out of one of her vest pockets. She stuck the needle through Anderson’s pant leg and into his thigh. “Give it a minute to work.”
“Andy,” Keith said in a soothing tone. “Andy, please, settle down. You’ll be alright…”
“Doctor Jones,” called Kerry from the now open front door. “Got it. There are the standard ambulances and police cars arriving.”
“Tell our transport to go to the staff entrance. Also tell them we’ve got two civilians riding with us and one will need a stretcher,” Martha commanded. She looked to Keith. “I assume you’ll want to ride with him.”
“Of course. But what happened to Jon and Stephen?”
“I’ll explain what I know once we get this man stable. Jackson, how are the hostages?”
“No major injuries,” Jackson answered.
Keith said, “You should check the kitchen. That man came in through there.” He brought Anderson’s tightly clenched fist to his lips and kissed the knuckles. The sedative coursing through the unconscious man’s veins started taking effect. The convulsions stopped, his body relaxed, and his death grip on Keith’s hand loosened.
Jordan and Jackson passed by to check out the kitchen. They emerged a minute later with the news, “Just scared people in there, but the door is sealed.” Hichani and Kerry took their cue to go and unlock the magnetic seal in the kitchen.
The paramedics rushed in to help the hostages. “Time we were going,” Martha commented. “Jordan, help me move Cooper to the kitchen.”
“Are you sure that’s wise?” asked Keith, not letting go of Anderson’s hand as Martha and Jordan picked up the younger man by the shoulders and legs.
“Nothing seems broken, and his is a case we specialize in,” Martha replied. “Mr Olbermann, if you’re just going to get in our way, there are civilian ambulances out the front door.”
Keith apologized and helped them set Anderson down on the floor near the staff entrance. Keith was surprised at his ability in handling this situation so well. Anderson was more the type to go into a dangerous situation and not panic. He figured that after they got Anderson to the hospital, he would either wake up from this nightmare, or panic.
Hichani and Kerry got the door open. Two men in the same green and black uniform hurried in with a stretcher. They quickly and efficiently settled the unconscious newsman onto it and took him out to a black army-style troop transport truck. Keith got in as well. One of the soldiers glanced to Martha and raised his eyebrow. Martha nodded back before she also got in. Within a few seconds, they were driving away from the restaurant.
Keith didn’t know how much time passed before they stopped. He was too worried about Anderson to measure time. He watched as Martha took his friend’s vital signs and cleaned the laser wound. “Will he make it?” Keith asked in a quiet voice.
“I can’t tell you that right now, Mr Olbermann. I don’t want to give you false hope.”
“I understand.” To his friend, he whispered, “Don’t leave me, Andy.”
Keith absentmindedly followed Martha and the two soldiers carrying Anderson on the stretcher into the building. He didn’t notice the other people and things on the way to the medical ward. He was focused only on Anderson.
Once they settled Anderson in a white bed and started doing tests on him, Keith sat down on the tiled floor and leaned back against the wall. He didn’t try to sleep. Anxiety ate at his nerves. Anderson shot down in front of him. Stephen and Jon vanishing inside that damned purple dome. Would Anderson make it? Would Stephen and Jon be found? And what did those two people Jon and Stephen had been with have to do with it? The gunman- Senai- had been in a vengeful set of mind against them. The more Keith went over what had happened, the more questions he came up with. He sighed in frustration. He needed answers, not more questions.
Finally, Martha dismissed her assistant and went to get a chair for Keith. The anchorman got up, with a couple cracks from his knees, and sat on the edge of the white bed.
“Andy,” Keith whispered, entwining their fingers together. He leaned over and pressed his lips to his friend’s cool forehead. The colder skin temperature only increased Keith’s worry. “He’s so cold…” Keith stated when he heard Martha come back in with a chair.
The doctor set the chair down next to the bed, and Keith gratefully took it. The anchorman repeated, “He’s so cold. Please, I’ve waited long enough. Will Andy make it? What happened to Jon and Stephen?”
“I’m going to keep Cooper here for observation. I’m not certain what will happen to him right now. The last time we encountered Senai, his firearm only used laser technology.”
“You said he shot Andy with lasers and electricity.”
“Exactly. I can only guess at what the effects of that will be. The laser itself didn’t do much damage. It’s the extremely high voltage of electricity that I’m worried about.”
“I’m no scientist, but doesn’t electricity pass through things? It wouldn’t stay in his body, would it?”
Martha shook her head. “But it did cause severe nerve damage.”
Keith slowly nodded and wiped away a tear that had escaped from his eyes. “And what about Jon and Stephen?”
Martha sighed and sat in the desk chair. She logged into the computer. “Mr Olbermann, I usually don’t do this without wiping the person’s memory later. But, I feel that I can trust you with this case. Come here.”
Keith scooted his chair over to Martha. With a few strokes of the keyboard, the UNIT officer set up the communication network. She checked her watch. “I hate to wake them up at this hour,” she commented.
“It’s only seven-thirty,” Keith replied, glancing at his watch.
Martha smiled. “They live in England, which makes it half past midnight for them. Still, they’ll hate me for telling them about this later.”
Martha looked into the webcam and said, “This is Martha Jones, calling the Children of Time.”
A silent minute passed before an image of a large and eccentrically decorated attic appeared on the computer screen. Keith gasped as two men came into view. One looked to be in his early forties, wearing flannel pants and a white t-shirt. He was trying to blink away his sleepiness. The other man had surprised Keith. This one wasn’t human. He had mottled green-brown skin, one blue eye in the center of his head, and short pale green tentacles along his cheeks.
The human man muttered, “I still don’t like being called the Children of Time. Next time, I’m not letting Sarah Jane, Maria, and Tegan pick our team name.”
“Hello Alan, Sec,” Martha greeted. “I think Children of Time is a great team name. Alan, why are you at Sarah Jane’s house at this time? Anything to do with-“
Alan loudly cleared his throat. “My house was infested with exploding hipchonian pod spores this evening, so Maria and I are staying here for a couple days, until the poison dissipates.”
“I see. Well, its good that you’re all here, because I need to talk to all of you.”
Alan nodded. “I’ll get them.”
Once the human man left, the alien man looked straight at Keith. His one eye blinked and he tilted his head. “Keith Olbermann,” he recognized.
The direct address shocked Keith from his surprise at the alien’s appearance. “What are you?” was the question that spurt from his mouth. He didn’t mean to sound so insulting or scared.
Sec looked to Martha and asked, “Are you going to wipe his memory later?” At the denial, the alien said, “Good. I still do not understand why the government still covers these things up.” Sec focused his gaze back to the anchorman. “I am a hybrid of Human and Dalek. But the more important question is: Who am I? We have met before, Keith.”
Keith shook his head. “I’d remember seeing you before.”
“Five years ago, you and Anderson Cooper were waiting for the subway train to arrive. A group of men who did not agree with the views you expressed on your show started to beat you. Anderson tried to fight them off, but a couple of the men turned to beat him as well.”
Keith nodded, remembering that day quite vividly.
Sec continued on. “I managed to break up the fight. But then one of the men shoved you backwards, sending you down to the tracks.”
“I couldn’t get out. I could hear the train coming…”
“I jumped in after you, and lay on top of you to press us both flat against the tracks, with no time to spare.”
“The train stopped right over us. There was no room to move around. I heard Andy’s scared cries, but I couldn’t answer. I was so afraid. Those were the longest two minutes of my life, just waiting for the train to leave...”
Sec picked up a black wrist-strap from a table and put it on. Before Keith’s eyes, the alien changed into a thirty-year-old man with short black hair and a fairly handsome face with brown eyes.
“It was you,” Keith realized. “After the train left, you boosted me up onto the platform, and managed to climb up after me. Andy hugged me tightly, and we turned to thank you, but you had gone.”
Sec’s human face smiled, before it changed back to the alien smile as he took the wrist-strap off. “I was a leader, once. Now I am simply a man who wishes to help people, without all the power and fame going to my head.”
The attic door opened. Alan came in with a woman and two men in their mid-twenties and an older woman. All were in their pajamas.
“I am really sorry to wake you all up,” Martha apologized. “I guess I’ll get right to it. Tegan, Bry, and two tv comedians went missing forty-five minutes ago.”
“What happened?” asked the older woman, Sarah Jane Smith, all traces of sleepiness instantly gone from her posture. She didn’t even notice the newsman next to Martha.
“Senai happened. You know that we’ve been tracking him for three years. Well, we found him, but not before he found Tegan and Bry, in a restaurant with Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart. When I arrived the four of them were trapped inside Senai’s transporter dome. My squad and I were too late to stop him from transporting himself, and our friends followed soon after.”
“But we broke his technology,” said Alan.
“Looks like he found a way to fix it,” the dark-skinned young man, Clyde, remarked.
The young woman, Maria, turned to Sarah Jane and Alan. “When Senai transported you two, Tegan, and Bry three years ago, you ended up on an island near Guam, with none of your phones. It took you a couple days to get in contact with us.”
The other young man, Luke, nodded. “Perhaps we should wait a couple days for them to tell us where they are before we get too worried.”
Officer Jordan came in at that moment. He took four cell phones, four watches, and a tech scanner from his pocket. “Doctor Jones, these were left behind by the purple dome. Also…” the officer faltered when he realized he had an audience staring from the computer screen. “Also, the scanner picked up residual artron energy.”
Keith noticed how everyone’s faces fell from hope to desolation. “What happened?”
“Senai did more than just fix his transporter device,” Sarah Jane concluded. “He improved it.”
“What is artron energy?” Keith asked.
Sec looked to the anchorman. “Artron energy is what is left behind when someone travels through space… and time. Our friends could be anywhere in all of space, and all of time.”
Chapter 4
I coughed myself back to consciousness when something wet and warm passed through my lips. I opened my eyes to find Jon Stewart on his knees, leaning over me with a waterpouch in his hands.
“How long have you been up?” I asked, slowly sitting up in the sand.
“Just a few minutes, I think. I don’t know where my watch or cell phone went.”
“Those got left behind,” I replied. All around us were dead bodies, arrows, spears, dead horses, and a few overturned chariots. All the people had either Roman or Greek facial features, wearing tunics or red capes and bronze armor.
“I don’t know what the hell happened, but I think we were beamed into a Roman battle reenactment gone wrong,” Jon stated.
“If only,” I responded. “There aren’t enough people here to call this a battle. This was a skirmish between the Romans and Greeks. And this isn’t a screwed-up reenactment. This is the real thing.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“We’re in the past, at a time after Rome gained control in Egypt, and apparently some of the Greeks weren’t happy about it.”
“Okay… I’m not going to ask how you knew that. I’ll just go along with it. But, now what?”
“First, we get out of our clothes. We can’t exactly walk around in Egypt with suits on.”
Jon agreed. “We won’t blend in with the locals, and it’s too damn hot.”
“Exactly,” I replied, starting to look for something suitable to wear among the dead.
“Cool. I’ve always wanted to wear a toga and bronze armor,” the comedian remarked.
“No toga for you. They represent power and wealth. Those are things that you, as a Jew, and me, as an African, aren’t supposed to have here. Take a tunic from a Greek.”
Jon followed my lead in looking for a tunic that would fit him. Once he found one that was relatively free of bloodstains, he paused. “I’m about to take clothes from a dead man and wear them. This is a fucked up situation.”
“You’ve just noticed that?” I chided with a half-smile. “I knew it was a screwed situation when we were put in the transporter dome.” I found a tunic that would fit me and started to tug it off its owner. I noticed that Jon still hadn’t moved. “What?” I inquired.
“I was just wondering if I could keep my boxers. I’m not wearing some dead guy’s underwear.”
“Going commando in the desert is not recommended,” I replied. I nodded. “Keep your boxers.”
I heard the comedian’s sigh of relief. Once we had both tugged the tunics from the two dead Greeks, I noticed the embarrassed expression on Jon’s face.
“Could you, um, turn around? It’s just that there’s no privacy. And, um, only Stephen has…”
I nodded and turned around to give him some privacy. I quickly undressed down to my underwear. I couldn’t help but sneak a peak over my shoulder at Jon. He had his back turned to me, but I could still see the bit of pudge that he would try to hide on tv.
As I finished getting dressed, I said, “I’ve seen it all before, Jon.”
“I should hope that after four years of marriage, you have seen your husband naked by now.”
I laughed. “During one of my adventures, two of my friends, Sec and Clyde, and I woke up to find ourselves in a prison cell, missing all of our clothes.”
“I bet that was awkward,” Jon commented.
“It was a bit awkward, yes. The thing you have to know about Sec is that he’s not human. I mean- he’s half-human. Which meant he was intriguing to see naked, because we hadn’t seen a naked greenish-brown-skinned alien before.”
“Was it one of those situations where you wanted to look, but couldn’t be obvious about it?”
“Exactly. I don’t think I’ll discuss the details, though.”
“Somehow, the thought of you hanging out with an alien isn’t hard to imagine.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.” I looked around the scene of the skirmish, searching for basic supplies. “Jon, look for water pouches,” I said, picking up a small messenger bag from a dead Roman. Inside it was dried meat and some half-stale bread.
Jon let out a startled cry. I went quickly to his side. He had four water pouches in his arms, and dropped one when he bent down to pick up a strip of fabric. He stared at the black-and-red striped satin cloth and whispered, “Stephen’s tie.”
“Well, that means they were also here.”
“They must’ve been captured,” Jon concluded.
I shook my head. “Rescued by some passing stranger, more likely.”
“Rescued?”
“Bry and Stephen could pull off the Roman look. They could have been mistaken for Romans.”
“I hope you’re right, but where does that leave us?”
“In a desert, with basic food and water, and…” I noticed for the first time the two tracks of chariot marks heading west. One track was deeper than the other. “And a path to follow.”
“What if it leads the wrong way?”
“This chariot track is deeper than the other, which means-“
“It was carrying more of a load, probably more people,” Jon realized. “Stephen and Bry.”
I nodded. I slung the full messenger bag over my shoulder and started following the chariot tracks.
“I have a question. Well, a lot of questions,” said Jon, keeping pace with me at my side.
“I’m sure you do. How about we do one question every five minutes?”
“Okay. First question: Before you and your husband zapped us with your phones, he said that we needed to be prepared. What does zapping us with your phones prepare us for, exactly?”
I smiled and said, “Chúng tôi chia sẻ với bạn những gì mà chúng tôi gọi điện cho món quà của TARDIS. Nó dịch tất cả các ngôn ngữ mà bạn hay nghe thấy tiếng mẹ đẻ của bạn vào.”
“Wait a minute. If I meet a guy who is speaking Japanese, I’ll understand it?”
“Không khá. Bạn không chỉ hiểu được nó, bạn nghe và xem nó như là tiếng Anh. Bạn có thể hoàn toàn quên vào thực tế là i am nói tiếng Việt ngay bây giờ.”
“Ah, no way. I only hear perfect English. You can’t be speaking Vietnamese.”
I shrugged. “That’s the gift of the TARDIS. You see and hear every language as English.”
“And if you speak English to a Chinese guy, he’ll hear it as Chinese?”
“Exactly. Bry and I didn’t know where we would end up, so we decided that you should be able to speak and understand any language that was needed.”
Jon nodded. “Wait, that means you did something to our brains. Are there any side-effects, like sudden mood swings or stuff like that?”
I let out a laugh. “No side effects, I promise.”
“Good,” replied the comedian. His next question came soon after. “You said we’re in Ancient Egypt, right?”
I nodded. “I don’t know what year, but we’ll find that out eventually.”
“Then there is one silver lining to this shitty cloud.”
“Oh really?”
“I’m on that perfect date with you.”
We laughed. I said, “I suppose you are.”
*************************
Soft sheets over and underneath me. A fluffy pillow under my head. I rolled over onto my side and felt for my wife’s soft brown skin. At her absence, I opened my eyes and sat up. I glanced around at the luxuriously decorated bed and room. It included another bed, in which Stephen was asleep.
The rich purple curtain that served as a door was pushed aside. I pulled the sheet up to cover my bare chest when a young African woman walked in. I shook my head to clear away any images of my wife that the woman had brought up. She was the same height as Tegan, with similar facial features. Her hair was in small braids, and her skin was just a shade darker.
In her accented voice, she said, “I am sorry to have startled you. It is good you are awake now. I’ll be back with the master. Would you like wine or water?”
“Water for me and my friend, please,” I answered. With a bow, the woman left.
I quickly got out the bed, forgetting that I was dressed only in a white loincloth. “Stephen!” I hissed, sitting on the side of his bed and shaking him. “Stephen!”
“Five more minutes, Jon,” came the murmured reply.
I sighed. “Stephen, I’m not Jon. I’m Bry.”
At this, Stephen sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Bry? What are you doing in my-“ He glanced around the room. “This isn’t my apartment. Where are we? And why the hell are you naked?”
“I’m not naked. I am wearing underwear.”
“If you can call that underwear. Why did they take everything I was wearing except my glasses?”
“Stephen, I have an idea of where we are.”
“Please, do tell. I’m listening.”
“Egypt. The decorations of this room tell me that.”
“Egypt? We were just in New York. How-“
“The purple dome teleported us here. And there’s more. I’m pretty sure we’ve time-traveled.”
“I don’t like those implications,” Stephen replied, shaking his head. He let out a puff of air.
“You don’t have to like them. A woman was in here earlier, and she went to get the master. Please, don’t mention Jon or Tegan.”
“Why? Do you know where they are?”
“No, but I don’t think this is the time to-“ I stopped as the curtain opened.
A well-built man of about forty came into the room, the African woman close behind with a tray of water goblets. The man spread his arms in greeting. “I am Horatius, general of the Empire. By the looks of you, you must also be citizens of the Roman Empire.”
I took the offered drink of water from the tray. I nodded. “Yes, but we have been away from the glorious Empire for some time. I am Bryanus, and this is my cousin, Stephanus.”
Horatius nodded and said, “I expect to hear why you have not been within the reaches of the Empire at dinner tonight. While you stay with me, Amara will be yours.” The African woman’s head bowed in acknowledgement. Horatius continued, “She is fit for many tasks. If you are not pleased with her services, let me know. I will see you at dinner.”
I bowed my head in respect. Stephen followed my lead. “Thank you, General. You are most kind,” I said.
“To leave two Romans stranded in a situation such as yours would leave me unworthy of my title.” With a flourish of his toga, Horatius turned and exited through the curtain.
As soon as he was gone, Amara asked, “Is there anything you would like me to get you?”
“Clothes would be nice,” Stephen answered.
“Of course,” Amara replied, turning to leave.
“Just a minute,” I said. “Can you tell me the most recent major news?”
The young woman thought for a moment. “The Roman army destroyed Jerusalem two weeks ago.”
I didn’t let the impact of this news show on my face as I dismissed the slave. Stephen waited a few seconds after she left before asking, “Why would they destroy Jerusalem?”
I didn’t answer. “This is not a good time for Jon to be anywhere in the Empire.”
Series: fakenews, sarah jane adventures, doctor who
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mild language
Disclaimer: TDS, TCR belong to Viacom, Sarah Jane Adventures and Doctor Who belongs to BBC. I own Tegan and Bry.
Summary: When two archaeologists go on The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert don't really think anything of it. But, when a person looking for revenge on the archaeologists finds them, the two comedians find themselves in a time and place full of slaves, masters, and Games.
Chapter 1
“Please welcome our guest tonight, archaeologist Dr Tegan Landson,” Jon Stewart announced to his audience. I stepped out from behind the Daily Show set, walked over to the desk, and shook Jon’s hand before sitting in the chair. “I already like you,” Jon commented.
“Why?”
“You’re the first guest in awhile who doesn’t tower over me.”
“Well, my husband is your height, so I frequently forget how tall an American man is supposed to be.” We received big laughs from the audience at that exchange.
“Speaking of your husband, Brian Schrieber, he’ll be on the Colbert Report later. Stephen and I haven’t done this married couple interview thing before. Before we really get started, I must ask why you chose me and Brian chose Stephen.”
I smiled. “Being the gentleman, Bry decided that he should suffer the interview by the more… what’s a good word?”
“Egotistic?”
I nodded. “The more egotistic guy.”
“Any other reasons?”
“I probably shouldn’t say those on public television, in case my husband sees it later,” I replied, looking at Jon with what I hoped was a playfully flirtatious expression. I grinned at the high-pitched giggle that came from the host.
Jon cleared his throat after a moment. “Moving on,” he said, reaching under his desk a taking out a book. He held it up for the audience to see and turned to me. “You wrote this book, which I must add, is on the New York Times Bestseller list. It’s called An Alien’s Observations of Humankind. I’ve read about a third of it so far. Very interesting. First question: What’s with the title? Are you secretly an alien?”
“If so, no one told me. Jon, when you’ve seen and experienced as much as I have, you start to view the world in a completely different way.”
“Can you elaborate on that? I haven’t done very much travelling myself.”
“You do this analysis thing this in a humorous way. I do it in a more serious way. I see the absurdities of people and I genuinely did not understand why people act the ways they do.”
“Hence the observations of the alien.”
“Exactly.”
“You’re an archaeologist. What inspired you to choose that as a career field? I know I couldn’t spend weeks digging in deserts and jungles for anything.”
“It’s not for everyone. You must have patience, and be willing to work in any environment with so many different people.”
Jon nodded. “What’s the best environment to work in?”
“Well, each has its own advantages and disadvantages. In a snow environment, there is ice to deal with, which can really run your patience to the limit. But ice completely freezes all the artifacts. The snow itself is great and fun to work in. In a desert, sand has the annoying habit of getting everywhere, but the heat does a pretty good job of preserving most things. With the jungle environment, the humidity makes it pretty damn uncomfortable, with all the persistent insects and all that, but the excitement once you find something very well preserved cancels out all the feelings of previous suffering.”
“So, if I wanted to be preserved after I die, what environment would do the best job?”
“That is a question I’ve never been asked before, Jon. I’d say a swampy bog is best for preservation. The bog mummies are considered to be the best.”
“Let see if I got this right. Your advice for becoming a good-looking mummy is to die in a swamp.”
“Absolutely.”
“Where’s the closest swamp from here?”
“I believe that would be in Mississippi or Florida.”
Jon paused and put on a thoughtful expression. “I think I’ll take my chances here. You never did answer my question of what inspired you.”
“Oh, sorry. It started when I was little with dinosaurs. Then I discovered that people have been around for a very long time as well. I fell in love with the ancient Egyptian society, and then started branching out from there. I guess I want to… to tell the story that those long dead people can no longer tell.”
“Wow. Those are inspiring words. And words you have definitely lived by,” Jon replied, looking at his note cards. “You’ve discovered an almost completely intact temple near Luthor, Egypt, a huge burial site in the Himalayas, a buried village in Italy, and a large tribe in the Amazon. These are all huge discoveries. If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you?”
“Twenty-nine.”
“Twenty-nine? You’re not even thirty yet?” Jon glanced at his blue note cards. “You graduated with your PhD at twenty-five, and have already made four huge discoveries in four years.”
“We actually found the village and tribe in the same year.”
“That’s right. You disappeared for six months during a trip to Australia. I know you did a press conference thing explaining to people what happened three months ago. Is there anything you’d like to add to it? I mean, I can’t imagine what it would be like…”
“To be honest, Jon, that wasn’t the scariest or most disturbing thing to happen to me. I’ve been in so many other desperate situations before Australia.”
“Would you like to share any of them with us?”
“We’d be here all night with all the stories I could tell. Let’s just say that the hobby my friends and I share gets us into trouble.”
“The illegal kind of trouble?”
I grinned. “I know not to confirm or deny that on public television.”
“Ah, smart girl. Well, one last thing before you go. When we posted you as our guest on the website,” Jon looked at another blue note card. “A college student named Asharad Ali, from University of Michigan emailed us with a couple of questions. First, what is your favorite time period and place?”
“Time period? Anything before the Middle Ages. Everything after that is too recent for me to really get into.”
“Are you implying that you don’t like American history?”
I nodded. “Compared to the rest of the world, it doesn’t have much history. As for the place? Egypt.”
“So, the perfect date for you is Ancient Egypt?”
“If you want.”
Jon wrote on his note card. “I’ll call you for a date next week. I’ve got a time machine.” The comedian took a deep breath. “Okay, last question. Asharad wants to know what you think of the fact that his archaeology classes have your published field reports as required reading.”
“My reports are required reading?” I asked, somewhat surprised. “Well, I guess I feel honored and… I don’t know what else. I’m a very modest person, and don’t like building myself up to this great person. I only hope my reports actually have something to teach these students. Jon, which camera is taping us?”
The host pointed to Camera One. “That one.”
I turned to look directly into the camera. “Asharad Ali, I wish you all the luck in your studies, and hope to see you in the field someday.” I turned back to Jon.
“Well, that’s all the time we have. The book is called An Alien’s Observations of Humankind. A big thanks to our guest, Dr Tegan Landson. We’ll be right back.”
During the commercial break, I leaned over the desk and said to the host in a quiet tone, “My husband and I are looking forward to having dinner with you and Stephen later tonight.”
Jon laid his hand over mine. He replied with, “I lied about the time machine. I’ll try to get one next week. Be warned, I’m not sure I could control it. We might end up with dinosaurs chasing after us.”
An amusing memory of that exact event happening to Martha Jones, Brian, and I twelve years ago, after the Doctor failed at controlling his time/space ship, the TARDIS, sent me into a fit of quiet laughter. Jon’s remark of “Was that comment really that funny?” made my laughter so intense that I lowered my forehead to rest on the desk, my shoulder-length dreadlocks fanning out around my head, to attempt to get myself back under control. After a moment, I raised my head, a grin still on my face. Jon glanced at the cameraman and said to me, “They said you have to go now. I’ll see you tonight.”
I stood, shook his hand, and responded with, “Please, don’t bring the time machine.”
I left the set with a smile. I was completely unaware that someone else would bring a time machine to dinner tonight.
Chapter 2
“Is this the local pundit hang-out?” my husband asked right after the four of us ordered our main courses. The restaurant was Italian in theme, which seemed to be standard for nice restaurants.
“Why do you ask?” inquired Stephen.
Bry tilted his head to the door, where a waiter was approaching CNN anchor Anderson Cooper, and MSNBC anchor Keith Olbermann.
“Oh, they uh… those two come here a lot,” Jon said.
“I see,” I replied. I noticed Stephen’s hand closest to Jon tap out a silent beat on the tabletop. “Do you two also ‘come here a lot?’”
“What do you mean?” Stephen asked a little too quickly.
I leaned in to whisper, “I’ve been told I’m very good at reading people. So, how long have you two been together?”
“How do you know we’re together?” Jon inquired.
I half-smiled. “Stephen wants to hold your hand, but is trying to restrain himself. And your knees are touching under the table.”
“Damn,” Stephen replied, leaning back in his chair, mirroring my smile. “She’s got us, Jon. Tegan, to answer your question, almost a year.”
“Not even our co-workers know,” added Jon. “You just met us today. You’re good. So, how about you and Bry?”
“Senior year of high school,” my husband answered. “I was her first boyfriend.”
“Impressive,” Stephen remarked. “I’ve never heard of anyone staying with their first boyfriend or girlfriend for twelve years.”
Bry nodded. “We’ve been married for four of those years.”
Jon asked him, “Do you know why Tegan would laugh uncontrollably at a joke involving a time machine and dinosaurs?”
My husband grinned. “I’m not allowed to tell you that.”
Stephen leaned in. “Are you two part of the CIA or something?”
Bry and I glanced at each other, smiles still on our faces, and didn’t reply.
Jon sighed. “Stephen, you know that if they were, they wouldn’t be allowed to tell us. Okay, Tegan, you mentioned on the show that the hobby you and your friends share often gets you into trouble. The illegal kind of trouble?”
I nodded. “Sometimes.”
“What kind of hobby is this? Bank robbing?” Stephen joked.
“Not quite allowed to tell you that, either,” Bry said.
“Okay then, what are you allowed to tell us?”
Every person in the restaurant quieted down at the crash and muffled screams from the kitchen. At the yell of “Shut the hell up!” from the kitchen, everyone froze, unsure what to make of the situation.
“Angry chef or manager?” Jon quietly suggested.
Another silent minute passed, with all the patrons showing tense anticipation. Anderson and Keith slowly stood at their table, ready for action, if needed. The four of us followed their example. At the sound of a loud, sharp hissing sound from the kitchen, the panic started. Anderson and Keith sprang into action, getting the patrons to their feet and ushering them towards the door.
Bry and I recognized the sound, and started helping with the evacuation. Jon and Stephen, puzzled expressions on their faces, also joined in with the effort.
“I thought I told you people to shut up!” shouted the voice from the kitchen. The front door of the restaurant suddenly closed and locked. We had gotten about half the people out before he came through the kitchen door.
The man was an unassuming one about 6 feet tall, wearing a grey hoodie and blue jeans. The gun in his hand sent everybody into a panic.
The patrons scattered, knocking tables over and crouching behind them. The six of us “authority figures” had no choice but to do the same. Anderson and Keith dove behind a table. Stephen tripped on the way and Bry, Jon, and I stopped to help him up.
We froze as the gunman approached. His pale face split into a manic grin as he looked the four of us over. His gun looked like a regular handgun. The man reached into his hoodie pocket.
“What the hell?” was Jon’s and Stephen’s first question as a transparent purple dome formed around us. “What is this thing?” was their next when they felt the inner surface of the dome.
“Energy field,” Bry answered. “Let’s save the rest of the questions for later.”
The gunman turned to address the rest of the restaurant. “You are all now my hostages. If I hear any screams, I shoot.” In demonstration, he shot at a person’s foot sticking out from behind a table, and purposely missed. “Don’t even try going for the doors. They’re magnetically sealed,” was his warning before he went back into the kitchen.
The second the doors swung closed behind the gunman, Anderson sprang up from his hiding place and hurried over to us. Keith kept watch for the gunman.
Anderson pressed his hands against the purple dome, as though trying to push his way through it. “What is this thing?”
“Energy field,” I told the news anchor. “And I have a suspicion that the only way out of it is for that man to turn it off.”
“We can’t give up that easily,” Stephen objected. “I don’t think he’s going to turn it off anytime soon.”
Anderson didn’t let up, and went to his knees to feel the floor at the base of the dome. He tried to find an opening in the layer of plush carpet. “Damn, nothing,” he muttered as he stood up, still feeling the energy field for any kind of weakness.
“Andy!” Keith suddenly hissed.
I glanced to the kitchen door and saw the gunman emerge. He said, “Mr Anderson, I suggest you back away from them.”
Anderson didn’t even turn around. “Get them out of this… whatever it is.”
“Those two archaeologists in there are my special hostages.”
Anderson tried a hand at negotiation. “What about the other two? Are they as important to you?”
The gunman smiled. “Not really. I believe its called collateral damage, an accident, perhaps. Now, I think you should go back to your rather worried friend over there.”
Anderson turned around, frustration on his face. The gunman didn’t hesitate in raising his weapon and shooting. The loud hissing sound from before accompanied the blue bolt. I had seen this weapon before.
Anderson cried out and staggered backwards into the purple energy field. The gunman shot him again, and the news anchor slid down the dome into a sitting position, legs splayed out in front of him, head lolled to the side. Since his back was against the surface of the energy field, we couldn’t see Anderson’s face.
Jon and Stephen went to their knees near Anderson and tried to push their way through the barrier. Keith charged into the gunman from behind and tried to wrestle the gun away from him. With unexpected strength, the gunman flung Keith into the dome surface next to Anderson. The older anchorman held the unconscious Anderson close to protect him as the gunman raised his firearm.
“Senai!” Bry and I shouted in unison.
The gunman’s image flickered for a second, revealing the holographic illusion of the man, and for a split-second showed the true form of the person behind the hologram. “Ah,” he sighed. “You finally recognize me.”
“Yes, let’s skip all the pleasantries and get straight to the point,” Bry said. “What do you want this time? Why the hostages?”
“Perhaps this will convince UNIT to stop tracking me. I’ve been on the run since-“
“We stopped you three years ago,” I finished.
Senai laughed. “But you failed to catch me.”
“We may have failed, but it seems like UNIT has been keeping you busy,” I goaded. We needed to stall for time. If Senai hadn’t changed in the last three years, it wouldn’t take much to make him start talking.
Surely enough, Senai started speaking. “Yes, they have. Three years I’ve been stuck on your miserable planet and-“
“Excuse me, miserable planet?” Keith interrupted.
The alien man let off a laser shot slightly above Keith’s head to quiet him. Senai went on. “I’m even starting to stink like you humans do.”
Stephen spoke up. “Then why don’t you just get in your spaceship and leave, if you’re so tired of these UNIT people chasing you.”
“I would, but your friends here decided to destroy my technology. They-“ Senai started.
There was a sudden muffled thunderclap. Martha Jones, former companion to the Doctor and UNIT operative, appeared behind Senai. Martha raised her gun and pointed it at the alien’s back.
Before Senai turned to face her, he said to us inside the dome, “But I fixed it. Say good-bye to your friends.”
“Be quiet and put your gun on the floor,” Martha commanded.
Bry slipped his cell phone out of his pocket. Bry looked up at the two fakenews pundits. “If this dome works like it did last time, we could end up anywhere without our technology. It’s best if you were prepared.”
“Prepared for what, exactly?” Jon asked in frustration.
I caught on to my husband’s plan and took out my cell phone. Stephen looked over my shoulder as I flicked through my contacts list. He asked when I stopped on one, “Who’s TARDIS?”
I didn’t answer. I pressed the call button and pressed the phone to Stephen’s eat. A second after, he cried out and clapped his hand to his ear. I heard Jon do the same.
Keith tore his eyes away from the stand-off between Martha and Senai. “What just happened?” he asked, still holding the injured and unconscious Anderson.
Jon hissed from the residual sting in his ear. “They just zapped us with their phones.” He glanced at Bry. “What the hell, man? That hurt.”
We all flinched as another four muffled thunderclaps announced the arrival of four more UNIT operatives. They formed themselves into a circle around Senai.
“We’re safe now, right?” Stephen inquired. “They’ve got him.”
“But you forget, he’s got us in here,” Bry reminded.
We turned our attention back to Martha and her troop surrounding Senai. The alien man let out a loud sigh. “Martha, I must bid you good-bye, and I’m certain we will never meet again.”
“Senai, don’t-“ Martha fired her gun too late.
Senai had reached into his hoodie pocket and abruptly disappeared. Almost instantly after, the dome we were stuck in started to vibrate. Martha rushed over to us and tried to disengage the energy field. “How the hell do you turn this thing off?” she shouted in frustration.
Jon and Stephen were now pounding on the inside of the field, desperate to get out. Keith was pounding on it from the outside.
“Martha, call Sarah Jane. Tell her what happened.” Bry instructed as the dome vibrated harder.
“Keith,” I addressed. “Take care of Anderson. We’ll take care of Jon and Stephen.”
“Where are you going?” was the newsman’s shouted question.
Within a blink, the entire restaurant was gone.
Something sliced across my forehead and I fell to hot sand in shock. Red capes, bronze armor, spears, and swords danced around me. Something wet and sticky splattered across my face.
Jon leaned over me. A plume-helmeted figure raised a sword behind him. Without thinking, I snatched up a spear by my side and thrust it between Jon’s arm and side into the figure’s ribs. I quickly glanced around. “Where are Bry and Stephen?” I asked, scurrying to my feet.
“I don’t know,” Jon replied as we ducked under two fighters’ spears.
I pulled Jon down as a flurry of arrows whistled through the air. A horse panicked, and its chariot turned over. I felt something hit my head, and my vision blurred to darkness.
Chapter 3
“Where did they go?” Keith Olbermann shouted at Martha Jones. “What the hell just happened here?”
Martha went to her knees at the newsman’s side to check over Anderson. Instead of answering Keith, she directed her squad. “Hichani, Kerry, work on getting that door open. Jackson, Jordan, tend to the hostages.” With a salute, the soldiers went to their tasks.
Martha quickly unbuttoned Anderson’s shirt to examine the wound made by Senai’s firearm. Keith gasped at the large patch of burnt and bleeding flesh on his friend’s pale chest.
“Wh-what kind of gun can do that?” Keith asked, holding Anderson’s hand and stroking his silver hair.
“Laser and electricity,” Martha answered over the approaching sirens.
Anderson’s hand suddenly squeezed Keith’s in an iron grip and his body began violently convulsing. “Do something,” Keith pleaded of Martha.
Martha already had a needle and syringe out of one of her vest pockets. She stuck the needle through Anderson’s pant leg and into his thigh. “Give it a minute to work.”
“Andy,” Keith said in a soothing tone. “Andy, please, settle down. You’ll be alright…”
“Doctor Jones,” called Kerry from the now open front door. “Got it. There are the standard ambulances and police cars arriving.”
“Tell our transport to go to the staff entrance. Also tell them we’ve got two civilians riding with us and one will need a stretcher,” Martha commanded. She looked to Keith. “I assume you’ll want to ride with him.”
“Of course. But what happened to Jon and Stephen?”
“I’ll explain what I know once we get this man stable. Jackson, how are the hostages?”
“No major injuries,” Jackson answered.
Keith said, “You should check the kitchen. That man came in through there.” He brought Anderson’s tightly clenched fist to his lips and kissed the knuckles. The sedative coursing through the unconscious man’s veins started taking effect. The convulsions stopped, his body relaxed, and his death grip on Keith’s hand loosened.
Jordan and Jackson passed by to check out the kitchen. They emerged a minute later with the news, “Just scared people in there, but the door is sealed.” Hichani and Kerry took their cue to go and unlock the magnetic seal in the kitchen.
The paramedics rushed in to help the hostages. “Time we were going,” Martha commented. “Jordan, help me move Cooper to the kitchen.”
“Are you sure that’s wise?” asked Keith, not letting go of Anderson’s hand as Martha and Jordan picked up the younger man by the shoulders and legs.
“Nothing seems broken, and his is a case we specialize in,” Martha replied. “Mr Olbermann, if you’re just going to get in our way, there are civilian ambulances out the front door.”
Keith apologized and helped them set Anderson down on the floor near the staff entrance. Keith was surprised at his ability in handling this situation so well. Anderson was more the type to go into a dangerous situation and not panic. He figured that after they got Anderson to the hospital, he would either wake up from this nightmare, or panic.
Hichani and Kerry got the door open. Two men in the same green and black uniform hurried in with a stretcher. They quickly and efficiently settled the unconscious newsman onto it and took him out to a black army-style troop transport truck. Keith got in as well. One of the soldiers glanced to Martha and raised his eyebrow. Martha nodded back before she also got in. Within a few seconds, they were driving away from the restaurant.
Keith didn’t know how much time passed before they stopped. He was too worried about Anderson to measure time. He watched as Martha took his friend’s vital signs and cleaned the laser wound. “Will he make it?” Keith asked in a quiet voice.
“I can’t tell you that right now, Mr Olbermann. I don’t want to give you false hope.”
“I understand.” To his friend, he whispered, “Don’t leave me, Andy.”
Keith absentmindedly followed Martha and the two soldiers carrying Anderson on the stretcher into the building. He didn’t notice the other people and things on the way to the medical ward. He was focused only on Anderson.
Once they settled Anderson in a white bed and started doing tests on him, Keith sat down on the tiled floor and leaned back against the wall. He didn’t try to sleep. Anxiety ate at his nerves. Anderson shot down in front of him. Stephen and Jon vanishing inside that damned purple dome. Would Anderson make it? Would Stephen and Jon be found? And what did those two people Jon and Stephen had been with have to do with it? The gunman- Senai- had been in a vengeful set of mind against them. The more Keith went over what had happened, the more questions he came up with. He sighed in frustration. He needed answers, not more questions.
Finally, Martha dismissed her assistant and went to get a chair for Keith. The anchorman got up, with a couple cracks from his knees, and sat on the edge of the white bed.
“Andy,” Keith whispered, entwining their fingers together. He leaned over and pressed his lips to his friend’s cool forehead. The colder skin temperature only increased Keith’s worry. “He’s so cold…” Keith stated when he heard Martha come back in with a chair.
The doctor set the chair down next to the bed, and Keith gratefully took it. The anchorman repeated, “He’s so cold. Please, I’ve waited long enough. Will Andy make it? What happened to Jon and Stephen?”
“I’m going to keep Cooper here for observation. I’m not certain what will happen to him right now. The last time we encountered Senai, his firearm only used laser technology.”
“You said he shot Andy with lasers and electricity.”
“Exactly. I can only guess at what the effects of that will be. The laser itself didn’t do much damage. It’s the extremely high voltage of electricity that I’m worried about.”
“I’m no scientist, but doesn’t electricity pass through things? It wouldn’t stay in his body, would it?”
Martha shook her head. “But it did cause severe nerve damage.”
Keith slowly nodded and wiped away a tear that had escaped from his eyes. “And what about Jon and Stephen?”
Martha sighed and sat in the desk chair. She logged into the computer. “Mr Olbermann, I usually don’t do this without wiping the person’s memory later. But, I feel that I can trust you with this case. Come here.”
Keith scooted his chair over to Martha. With a few strokes of the keyboard, the UNIT officer set up the communication network. She checked her watch. “I hate to wake them up at this hour,” she commented.
“It’s only seven-thirty,” Keith replied, glancing at his watch.
Martha smiled. “They live in England, which makes it half past midnight for them. Still, they’ll hate me for telling them about this later.”
Martha looked into the webcam and said, “This is Martha Jones, calling the Children of Time.”
A silent minute passed before an image of a large and eccentrically decorated attic appeared on the computer screen. Keith gasped as two men came into view. One looked to be in his early forties, wearing flannel pants and a white t-shirt. He was trying to blink away his sleepiness. The other man had surprised Keith. This one wasn’t human. He had mottled green-brown skin, one blue eye in the center of his head, and short pale green tentacles along his cheeks.
The human man muttered, “I still don’t like being called the Children of Time. Next time, I’m not letting Sarah Jane, Maria, and Tegan pick our team name.”
“Hello Alan, Sec,” Martha greeted. “I think Children of Time is a great team name. Alan, why are you at Sarah Jane’s house at this time? Anything to do with-“
Alan loudly cleared his throat. “My house was infested with exploding hipchonian pod spores this evening, so Maria and I are staying here for a couple days, until the poison dissipates.”
“I see. Well, its good that you’re all here, because I need to talk to all of you.”
Alan nodded. “I’ll get them.”
Once the human man left, the alien man looked straight at Keith. His one eye blinked and he tilted his head. “Keith Olbermann,” he recognized.
The direct address shocked Keith from his surprise at the alien’s appearance. “What are you?” was the question that spurt from his mouth. He didn’t mean to sound so insulting or scared.
Sec looked to Martha and asked, “Are you going to wipe his memory later?” At the denial, the alien said, “Good. I still do not understand why the government still covers these things up.” Sec focused his gaze back to the anchorman. “I am a hybrid of Human and Dalek. But the more important question is: Who am I? We have met before, Keith.”
Keith shook his head. “I’d remember seeing you before.”
“Five years ago, you and Anderson Cooper were waiting for the subway train to arrive. A group of men who did not agree with the views you expressed on your show started to beat you. Anderson tried to fight them off, but a couple of the men turned to beat him as well.”
Keith nodded, remembering that day quite vividly.
Sec continued on. “I managed to break up the fight. But then one of the men shoved you backwards, sending you down to the tracks.”
“I couldn’t get out. I could hear the train coming…”
“I jumped in after you, and lay on top of you to press us both flat against the tracks, with no time to spare.”
“The train stopped right over us. There was no room to move around. I heard Andy’s scared cries, but I couldn’t answer. I was so afraid. Those were the longest two minutes of my life, just waiting for the train to leave...”
Sec picked up a black wrist-strap from a table and put it on. Before Keith’s eyes, the alien changed into a thirty-year-old man with short black hair and a fairly handsome face with brown eyes.
“It was you,” Keith realized. “After the train left, you boosted me up onto the platform, and managed to climb up after me. Andy hugged me tightly, and we turned to thank you, but you had gone.”
Sec’s human face smiled, before it changed back to the alien smile as he took the wrist-strap off. “I was a leader, once. Now I am simply a man who wishes to help people, without all the power and fame going to my head.”
The attic door opened. Alan came in with a woman and two men in their mid-twenties and an older woman. All were in their pajamas.
“I am really sorry to wake you all up,” Martha apologized. “I guess I’ll get right to it. Tegan, Bry, and two tv comedians went missing forty-five minutes ago.”
“What happened?” asked the older woman, Sarah Jane Smith, all traces of sleepiness instantly gone from her posture. She didn’t even notice the newsman next to Martha.
“Senai happened. You know that we’ve been tracking him for three years. Well, we found him, but not before he found Tegan and Bry, in a restaurant with Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart. When I arrived the four of them were trapped inside Senai’s transporter dome. My squad and I were too late to stop him from transporting himself, and our friends followed soon after.”
“But we broke his technology,” said Alan.
“Looks like he found a way to fix it,” the dark-skinned young man, Clyde, remarked.
The young woman, Maria, turned to Sarah Jane and Alan. “When Senai transported you two, Tegan, and Bry three years ago, you ended up on an island near Guam, with none of your phones. It took you a couple days to get in contact with us.”
The other young man, Luke, nodded. “Perhaps we should wait a couple days for them to tell us where they are before we get too worried.”
Officer Jordan came in at that moment. He took four cell phones, four watches, and a tech scanner from his pocket. “Doctor Jones, these were left behind by the purple dome. Also…” the officer faltered when he realized he had an audience staring from the computer screen. “Also, the scanner picked up residual artron energy.”
Keith noticed how everyone’s faces fell from hope to desolation. “What happened?”
“Senai did more than just fix his transporter device,” Sarah Jane concluded. “He improved it.”
“What is artron energy?” Keith asked.
Sec looked to the anchorman. “Artron energy is what is left behind when someone travels through space… and time. Our friends could be anywhere in all of space, and all of time.”
Chapter 4
I coughed myself back to consciousness when something wet and warm passed through my lips. I opened my eyes to find Jon Stewart on his knees, leaning over me with a waterpouch in his hands.
“How long have you been up?” I asked, slowly sitting up in the sand.
“Just a few minutes, I think. I don’t know where my watch or cell phone went.”
“Those got left behind,” I replied. All around us were dead bodies, arrows, spears, dead horses, and a few overturned chariots. All the people had either Roman or Greek facial features, wearing tunics or red capes and bronze armor.
“I don’t know what the hell happened, but I think we were beamed into a Roman battle reenactment gone wrong,” Jon stated.
“If only,” I responded. “There aren’t enough people here to call this a battle. This was a skirmish between the Romans and Greeks. And this isn’t a screwed-up reenactment. This is the real thing.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“We’re in the past, at a time after Rome gained control in Egypt, and apparently some of the Greeks weren’t happy about it.”
“Okay… I’m not going to ask how you knew that. I’ll just go along with it. But, now what?”
“First, we get out of our clothes. We can’t exactly walk around in Egypt with suits on.”
Jon agreed. “We won’t blend in with the locals, and it’s too damn hot.”
“Exactly,” I replied, starting to look for something suitable to wear among the dead.
“Cool. I’ve always wanted to wear a toga and bronze armor,” the comedian remarked.
“No toga for you. They represent power and wealth. Those are things that you, as a Jew, and me, as an African, aren’t supposed to have here. Take a tunic from a Greek.”
Jon followed my lead in looking for a tunic that would fit him. Once he found one that was relatively free of bloodstains, he paused. “I’m about to take clothes from a dead man and wear them. This is a fucked up situation.”
“You’ve just noticed that?” I chided with a half-smile. “I knew it was a screwed situation when we were put in the transporter dome.” I found a tunic that would fit me and started to tug it off its owner. I noticed that Jon still hadn’t moved. “What?” I inquired.
“I was just wondering if I could keep my boxers. I’m not wearing some dead guy’s underwear.”
“Going commando in the desert is not recommended,” I replied. I nodded. “Keep your boxers.”
I heard the comedian’s sigh of relief. Once we had both tugged the tunics from the two dead Greeks, I noticed the embarrassed expression on Jon’s face.
“Could you, um, turn around? It’s just that there’s no privacy. And, um, only Stephen has…”
I nodded and turned around to give him some privacy. I quickly undressed down to my underwear. I couldn’t help but sneak a peak over my shoulder at Jon. He had his back turned to me, but I could still see the bit of pudge that he would try to hide on tv.
As I finished getting dressed, I said, “I’ve seen it all before, Jon.”
“I should hope that after four years of marriage, you have seen your husband naked by now.”
I laughed. “During one of my adventures, two of my friends, Sec and Clyde, and I woke up to find ourselves in a prison cell, missing all of our clothes.”
“I bet that was awkward,” Jon commented.
“It was a bit awkward, yes. The thing you have to know about Sec is that he’s not human. I mean- he’s half-human. Which meant he was intriguing to see naked, because we hadn’t seen a naked greenish-brown-skinned alien before.”
“Was it one of those situations where you wanted to look, but couldn’t be obvious about it?”
“Exactly. I don’t think I’ll discuss the details, though.”
“Somehow, the thought of you hanging out with an alien isn’t hard to imagine.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.” I looked around the scene of the skirmish, searching for basic supplies. “Jon, look for water pouches,” I said, picking up a small messenger bag from a dead Roman. Inside it was dried meat and some half-stale bread.
Jon let out a startled cry. I went quickly to his side. He had four water pouches in his arms, and dropped one when he bent down to pick up a strip of fabric. He stared at the black-and-red striped satin cloth and whispered, “Stephen’s tie.”
“Well, that means they were also here.”
“They must’ve been captured,” Jon concluded.
I shook my head. “Rescued by some passing stranger, more likely.”
“Rescued?”
“Bry and Stephen could pull off the Roman look. They could have been mistaken for Romans.”
“I hope you’re right, but where does that leave us?”
“In a desert, with basic food and water, and…” I noticed for the first time the two tracks of chariot marks heading west. One track was deeper than the other. “And a path to follow.”
“What if it leads the wrong way?”
“This chariot track is deeper than the other, which means-“
“It was carrying more of a load, probably more people,” Jon realized. “Stephen and Bry.”
I nodded. I slung the full messenger bag over my shoulder and started following the chariot tracks.
“I have a question. Well, a lot of questions,” said Jon, keeping pace with me at my side.
“I’m sure you do. How about we do one question every five minutes?”
“Okay. First question: Before you and your husband zapped us with your phones, he said that we needed to be prepared. What does zapping us with your phones prepare us for, exactly?”
I smiled and said, “Chúng tôi chia sẻ với bạn những gì mà chúng tôi gọi điện cho món quà của TARDIS. Nó dịch tất cả các ngôn ngữ mà bạn hay nghe thấy tiếng mẹ đẻ của bạn vào.”
“Wait a minute. If I meet a guy who is speaking Japanese, I’ll understand it?”
“Không khá. Bạn không chỉ hiểu được nó, bạn nghe và xem nó như là tiếng Anh. Bạn có thể hoàn toàn quên vào thực tế là i am nói tiếng Việt ngay bây giờ.”
“Ah, no way. I only hear perfect English. You can’t be speaking Vietnamese.”
I shrugged. “That’s the gift of the TARDIS. You see and hear every language as English.”
“And if you speak English to a Chinese guy, he’ll hear it as Chinese?”
“Exactly. Bry and I didn’t know where we would end up, so we decided that you should be able to speak and understand any language that was needed.”
Jon nodded. “Wait, that means you did something to our brains. Are there any side-effects, like sudden mood swings or stuff like that?”
I let out a laugh. “No side effects, I promise.”
“Good,” replied the comedian. His next question came soon after. “You said we’re in Ancient Egypt, right?”
I nodded. “I don’t know what year, but we’ll find that out eventually.”
“Then there is one silver lining to this shitty cloud.”
“Oh really?”
“I’m on that perfect date with you.”
We laughed. I said, “I suppose you are.”
*************************
Soft sheets over and underneath me. A fluffy pillow under my head. I rolled over onto my side and felt for my wife’s soft brown skin. At her absence, I opened my eyes and sat up. I glanced around at the luxuriously decorated bed and room. It included another bed, in which Stephen was asleep.
The rich purple curtain that served as a door was pushed aside. I pulled the sheet up to cover my bare chest when a young African woman walked in. I shook my head to clear away any images of my wife that the woman had brought up. She was the same height as Tegan, with similar facial features. Her hair was in small braids, and her skin was just a shade darker.
In her accented voice, she said, “I am sorry to have startled you. It is good you are awake now. I’ll be back with the master. Would you like wine or water?”
“Water for me and my friend, please,” I answered. With a bow, the woman left.
I quickly got out the bed, forgetting that I was dressed only in a white loincloth. “Stephen!” I hissed, sitting on the side of his bed and shaking him. “Stephen!”
“Five more minutes, Jon,” came the murmured reply.
I sighed. “Stephen, I’m not Jon. I’m Bry.”
At this, Stephen sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Bry? What are you doing in my-“ He glanced around the room. “This isn’t my apartment. Where are we? And why the hell are you naked?”
“I’m not naked. I am wearing underwear.”
“If you can call that underwear. Why did they take everything I was wearing except my glasses?”
“Stephen, I have an idea of where we are.”
“Please, do tell. I’m listening.”
“Egypt. The decorations of this room tell me that.”
“Egypt? We were just in New York. How-“
“The purple dome teleported us here. And there’s more. I’m pretty sure we’ve time-traveled.”
“I don’t like those implications,” Stephen replied, shaking his head. He let out a puff of air.
“You don’t have to like them. A woman was in here earlier, and she went to get the master. Please, don’t mention Jon or Tegan.”
“Why? Do you know where they are?”
“No, but I don’t think this is the time to-“ I stopped as the curtain opened.
A well-built man of about forty came into the room, the African woman close behind with a tray of water goblets. The man spread his arms in greeting. “I am Horatius, general of the Empire. By the looks of you, you must also be citizens of the Roman Empire.”
I took the offered drink of water from the tray. I nodded. “Yes, but we have been away from the glorious Empire for some time. I am Bryanus, and this is my cousin, Stephanus.”
Horatius nodded and said, “I expect to hear why you have not been within the reaches of the Empire at dinner tonight. While you stay with me, Amara will be yours.” The African woman’s head bowed in acknowledgement. Horatius continued, “She is fit for many tasks. If you are not pleased with her services, let me know. I will see you at dinner.”
I bowed my head in respect. Stephen followed my lead. “Thank you, General. You are most kind,” I said.
“To leave two Romans stranded in a situation such as yours would leave me unworthy of my title.” With a flourish of his toga, Horatius turned and exited through the curtain.
As soon as he was gone, Amara asked, “Is there anything you would like me to get you?”
“Clothes would be nice,” Stephen answered.
“Of course,” Amara replied, turning to leave.
“Just a minute,” I said. “Can you tell me the most recent major news?”
The young woman thought for a moment. “The Roman army destroyed Jerusalem two weeks ago.”
I didn’t let the impact of this news show on my face as I dismissed the slave. Stephen waited a few seconds after she left before asking, “Why would they destroy Jerusalem?”
I didn’t answer. “This is not a good time for Jon to be anywhere in the Empire.”
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