Alea Iacta Est parts 8/?
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thedailyshow_rpsTitle: Alea Iacta Est (The Die is Cast) 8/?
Series: fakenews, sarah jane adventures, doctor who
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mild language, Mild violence
Disclaimer: TDS, TCR belong to Viacom, Sarah Jane Adventures and Doctor Who belongs to BBC. Rachel Maddow, Keith Olbermann, and Anderson Cooper belong to themselves. I own Tegan and Bry, and any other unrecognizable characters.
Summary: When two archaeologists go on The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert don't really think anything of it. But, when a person looking for revenge on the archaeologists finds them, the two comedians find themselves in a time and place full of slaves, masters, and Games.
Chapters 1-5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
“Jon,” I said for the fifth time. “You have to get in sometime,” I reasoned. After General
Cassius had bought us, he had taken us to his lavish villa and showed us the small slave’s bathing room. There was a stack of white folded knee-length tunics to dress in after we were done bathing in the inset bath about the size of a small backyard swimming pool.
As soon as Cassius had gone off to attend to other business, I had quickly stripped and gotten in the relatively warm bath water. Jon was still fully clothed and sitting on the side of the bath with only his feet and calves in the water.
“Jon, sitting there isn’t going to get you clean. First impressions-“
“First impressions already happened. I don’t like him, and his first impression on me still hurts,” the comedian replied, gently touching his busted lip.
I performed a few breaststrokes towards Jon and hugged his legs. He stiffened at the contact, probably at the fact that I was nude. “Jon, please listen to me. You can’t afford to be openly defiant or strong-willed here. As you can tell, it won’t take much for a Roman to be insulted by you.”
“Then, why did Cassius…” Jon hesitated, not wanting to go on. “Why did he… buy me?”
I thought for a moment. “There aren’t many Jews left, at least in this part of the world. Owning one would be somewhat rare, or prestigious. There’s also the aspect of owning someone that breaks their will and spirit.”
“Great, so I’m a trophy slave here to be humiliated by a Roman,” Jon snorted. He ran a hand over his face. “Turn around, I’m getting in,” he said in a frustrated tone
I closed my eyes and turned around as Jon undressed and got in the water. “Um, okay, you can open your eyes now,” my friend said.
I turned back around, keeping myself low in the lukewarm water. Jon shivered a bit, probably from the weirdness of the situation.
“So, um, do you get mistaken for a young man often?” he nervously laughed.
I nodded. “And I usually go with it. Most of the time it serves to my advantage.”
“How does it serve to your advantage here?”
“It gives me more of a chance of staying with you. And-“
Jon and I stared at the doorway at the rather unpleasant sound of Cassius shouting at someone. A young woman, by the sound of the barely audible reply. Cassius shouted at the person to get out.
Jon and I cringed out the noise of a breaking vase, and the cry of pain that followed. When the shouting stopped, Jon turned to me and said, “I wonder what that was all about.”
***********
It was nearing sundown. Dressed in simple pure white tunics, Stephen and I had spent the last few hours training out in the grassed courtyard. I had told him this morning that I would find him a weapon to use for protection. I was best with a long sword, and Stephen was best with a shorter sword.
I spun to the side as Stephen lunged at me again with his sword. He didn’t hesitate before swinging it up to try to catch my chin with the flat part of the blade. I leaned back and swung my own sword up and to the side.
Stephen was surprised when his sword tumbled from his hands. I didn’t wait before
sweeping his ankle out from under him. I caught his hand as he fell and stopped him from hitting the ground.
“Damn, you’re good,” the comedian commented as I helped him to his feet.
“You lasted longer that time. One more?” I replied, tossing Stephen’s sword to him.
“Sure,” Stephen responded, getting into a starting position.
Unfortunately, I saw Amara standing under the arch that led inside. I felt a sudden cold smack to the side of my head and fell flat on my back from the blow. I blinked rapidly to clear the grey edges from my vision.
“Hey, you alright?” Stephen asked, leaning over me. He glanced over his shoulder. “Ah, distracted by the pretty lady,” he teased.
I didn’t say anything, instead letting actions speak. I grabbed the comedian’s hand, flipped him over me onto his back, and pinned his arm between my knees, pinching the nerves in his elbow. Stephen was able to take it or a few seconds before tapping his free hand against the grass.
I released my hold on Stephen and pulled him back up to is feet. I rubbed the side of my head and complimented, “That was a very good strike. Nice and solid.”
“Yeah, well, you still won,” Stephen replied, massaging feeling back into his arm. “Amara, do you have anything to report?”
At the invitation, Amara came forward, unsuccessfully trying to hide the trail of semi-dried blood that ran down half of her face.
“What happened?” I inquired.
Amara reluctantly moved her hand away from her face. A shallow gash over her eyebrow leaked with barely congealed blood. “I… I-“
“Don’t lie, please,” Stephen said. “I’m sure you didn’t walk into a wall.”
“The last person I asked about the errand you sent me on was… insulted by the request for information. He didn’t give me an answer, just threw a vase at my head. It hit the wall and shattered, but one of the shards got me.”
“Who was it?” I asked.
“Please, I don’t want you to confront him or anything.”
“We won’t,” I assured.
“His name is Cassius. He’s a general who was part of the force that destroyed Jerusalem. I… I should go get cleaned up. Um, no one I asked had seen them.”
“You’re dismissed,” I told her.
Once she was gone, Stephen said, “General Cassius. Should we check him out?”
“Yes, but not now. Tomorrow.”
Stephen agreed. “Considering he threw a vase at Amara’s head for no apparent reason.”
Series: fakenews, sarah jane adventures, doctor who
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mild language, Mild violence
Disclaimer: TDS, TCR belong to Viacom, Sarah Jane Adventures and Doctor Who belongs to BBC. Rachel Maddow, Keith Olbermann, and Anderson Cooper belong to themselves. I own Tegan and Bry, and any other unrecognizable characters.
Summary: When two archaeologists go on The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert don't really think anything of it. But, when a person looking for revenge on the archaeologists finds them, the two comedians find themselves in a time and place full of slaves, masters, and Games.
Chapters 1-5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
“Jon,” I said for the fifth time. “You have to get in sometime,” I reasoned. After General
Cassius had bought us, he had taken us to his lavish villa and showed us the small slave’s bathing room. There was a stack of white folded knee-length tunics to dress in after we were done bathing in the inset bath about the size of a small backyard swimming pool.
As soon as Cassius had gone off to attend to other business, I had quickly stripped and gotten in the relatively warm bath water. Jon was still fully clothed and sitting on the side of the bath with only his feet and calves in the water.
“Jon, sitting there isn’t going to get you clean. First impressions-“
“First impressions already happened. I don’t like him, and his first impression on me still hurts,” the comedian replied, gently touching his busted lip.
I performed a few breaststrokes towards Jon and hugged his legs. He stiffened at the contact, probably at the fact that I was nude. “Jon, please listen to me. You can’t afford to be openly defiant or strong-willed here. As you can tell, it won’t take much for a Roman to be insulted by you.”
“Then, why did Cassius…” Jon hesitated, not wanting to go on. “Why did he… buy me?”
I thought for a moment. “There aren’t many Jews left, at least in this part of the world. Owning one would be somewhat rare, or prestigious. There’s also the aspect of owning someone that breaks their will and spirit.”
“Great, so I’m a trophy slave here to be humiliated by a Roman,” Jon snorted. He ran a hand over his face. “Turn around, I’m getting in,” he said in a frustrated tone
I closed my eyes and turned around as Jon undressed and got in the water. “Um, okay, you can open your eyes now,” my friend said.
I turned back around, keeping myself low in the lukewarm water. Jon shivered a bit, probably from the weirdness of the situation.
“So, um, do you get mistaken for a young man often?” he nervously laughed.
I nodded. “And I usually go with it. Most of the time it serves to my advantage.”
“How does it serve to your advantage here?”
“It gives me more of a chance of staying with you. And-“
Jon and I stared at the doorway at the rather unpleasant sound of Cassius shouting at someone. A young woman, by the sound of the barely audible reply. Cassius shouted at the person to get out.
Jon and I cringed out the noise of a breaking vase, and the cry of pain that followed. When the shouting stopped, Jon turned to me and said, “I wonder what that was all about.”
***********
It was nearing sundown. Dressed in simple pure white tunics, Stephen and I had spent the last few hours training out in the grassed courtyard. I had told him this morning that I would find him a weapon to use for protection. I was best with a long sword, and Stephen was best with a shorter sword.
I spun to the side as Stephen lunged at me again with his sword. He didn’t hesitate before swinging it up to try to catch my chin with the flat part of the blade. I leaned back and swung my own sword up and to the side.
Stephen was surprised when his sword tumbled from his hands. I didn’t wait before
sweeping his ankle out from under him. I caught his hand as he fell and stopped him from hitting the ground.
“Damn, you’re good,” the comedian commented as I helped him to his feet.
“You lasted longer that time. One more?” I replied, tossing Stephen’s sword to him.
“Sure,” Stephen responded, getting into a starting position.
Unfortunately, I saw Amara standing under the arch that led inside. I felt a sudden cold smack to the side of my head and fell flat on my back from the blow. I blinked rapidly to clear the grey edges from my vision.
“Hey, you alright?” Stephen asked, leaning over me. He glanced over his shoulder. “Ah, distracted by the pretty lady,” he teased.
I didn’t say anything, instead letting actions speak. I grabbed the comedian’s hand, flipped him over me onto his back, and pinned his arm between my knees, pinching the nerves in his elbow. Stephen was able to take it or a few seconds before tapping his free hand against the grass.
I released my hold on Stephen and pulled him back up to is feet. I rubbed the side of my head and complimented, “That was a very good strike. Nice and solid.”
“Yeah, well, you still won,” Stephen replied, massaging feeling back into his arm. “Amara, do you have anything to report?”
At the invitation, Amara came forward, unsuccessfully trying to hide the trail of semi-dried blood that ran down half of her face.
“What happened?” I inquired.
Amara reluctantly moved her hand away from her face. A shallow gash over her eyebrow leaked with barely congealed blood. “I… I-“
“Don’t lie, please,” Stephen said. “I’m sure you didn’t walk into a wall.”
“The last person I asked about the errand you sent me on was… insulted by the request for information. He didn’t give me an answer, just threw a vase at my head. It hit the wall and shattered, but one of the shards got me.”
“Who was it?” I asked.
“Please, I don’t want you to confront him or anything.”
“We won’t,” I assured.
“His name is Cassius. He’s a general who was part of the force that destroyed Jerusalem. I… I should go get cleaned up. Um, no one I asked had seen them.”
“You’re dismissed,” I told her.
Once she was gone, Stephen said, “General Cassius. Should we check him out?”
“Yes, but not now. Tomorrow.”
Stephen agreed. “Considering he threw a vase at Amara’s head for no apparent reason.”
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